You Will Only Break My Heart
by Mistress Mina
Summary: Serena and Darien are trying to sort through the the actions, emotions and consquences of thier liasons not everything is how it seems and not everyone is a friend. Thier secrets can be a sickness. Chapter 21 brings tragedy and angst.
1. Where I am today? I wish I knew

**You Will Only Break My Heart.**

**Mistress Mina**

"I'm holding out my heart but clutching it too; Feeling this short of a love that we once knew.

I'm calling this a home when its not even close; Playing the role with nerves left exposed.

And standing on a darkened stage; Stumbling through the lines.

Others have excuses, but I have my reasons why."

Reasons Why by Nickel Creek

**--**

Her usual tinkle of laughter was replaced by loud gaffaws and snorts as Andrew told Serena of the latest antics performed by the waste of time pursuing their friend.

"Did she really say that?" Serena sniggered, "Please tell me she didn't actually try that?"

Andrew nodded, "Every 10 mins for the entire evening."

She laughed harder then tried to compose herself, "Ready, tell me Andrew does this really work? I'm single, hum, give me sec, deep breath, I'm single, will you have sex with me?"

This had the 2 of them laughing so hard their stomach muscles were aching. "I don't know Sere, maybe with you, not a hope in hell with her." Andrew shared Serena's deep dislike for Emma.

Emma was on a long list of hopeful skanks that hit on Darien each week, but for her each rebuttal just seemed to strengthen her resolve; really it was like something wasn't clicking in her brain.

Andrew handed Serena her milkshake and waved her on as he went to serve another customer. Still laughing she sat down with the girls to tell them the story.

**--**

It was unfortunate luck that saw to Serena meeting Emma on the doorstep of Darien, Andrew and Lita's apartment the next afternoon. "Emma," Serena quickly hid the DVD she had brought over, "What are you doing here?"

"Oh Darien invited me over." She flipped her hair over her shoulder and smirked.

"That's nice."

"What about you Sere? You know they don't like people inviting themselves over?"

"I just came to pick something up from Andrew. No invite unfortunately." She shrugged knowing why that stupid rule was created.

"They are not going to like that?"

"I know."

"Serena I don't think you should come over as often anymore, the guys are really grumpy lately and even Lita is kinda cranky."

"I know." To get away from her she quickly knocked.

Andrew opened the door and went to start on his next tirade and stopped when he noticed Emma beside Serena, threw the door open and walked away.

"See Serena, I told you."

"Yes dear," she gritted out followed by a, "Hey babes," as a greeting to Darien as she walked by only receiving a slap on the ass for her reply.

Emma threw herself on the couch beside him, making her skirt fly up and flashing her lacy v-string at her victim who didn't notice.

"Andrew I swear I didn't bring her, but hey I brought the DVD."

He turned from doing the dishes, "She didn't see it did she?"

"Nah, I tucked it in my bag when I saw her."

"Good," he grinned, "Can you go and check on that slut please, he told me if he thinks I am checking up on him he will move out and in with her and we can't afford that."

"Righto, got it covered. Though why he doesn't tell her to get lost is beyond me."

Andrew shook his head sadly, "Me too, me too."

Serena went and stood in front of the TV, "Babes,"

"Serena, Move." He growled, it was a dangerous thing getting between a man and his play station.

"In a minute, just pause it for a sec I just want to know, do we still have plans for next weekend?"

"Move," grabbed in a headlock and pulled her away from the TV, "Emma play for a while, I'll be back."

"What plans?" he mumbled knowing Emma was listening and Andrew was standing 2 feet away doing the dishes. Serena dragged her fingernail across his chest and winked "those," she mouthed then louder asked "you know, the amusement park and the beach? We organized them last week, remember? Right Andrew?"

"What? Oh yeah, I went and go the tickets remember buddy?"

"Of course I remember," he replied while cupping Serena's face while making sure Andrew didn't see.

This was their game, flirt a little and have the greatest affair while nobody was looking and then go one like nothing had changed. Andrew and the girls knew nothing about it. It was thrilling and passionate but nothing more than a game.

It was funny for Serena to watch Emma throw herself at Darien while Darien laughed at the looks Serena go while in the street, each knowing that they had seen what the others wanted to see.

Serena kept things normal by waiting for Andrew to tell her gossip about Emma. It was easy because Darien and Serena didn't talk in their time together. I was just sex, not love; no emotions to tie them together. It would only be messy if emotions got involved.

"Good." She waved him off, "So Andrew found a date to the party yet?"

"Not really looking for one Sere."

"It's a function with music, food and guys right?"

"General gist of it. What's your point?"

"I'll be your date. I am sure there will be plenty of other couples that are just friends there and it gives me a chance to dress up and I haven't done that since Christmas."

"That was only 6 weeks ago." Was Darien's muffled response from inside the fridge.

"Yes **6 entire** weeks. Come on I need a night out." She slipped easily into whine mode.

"Fine."

She grinned widely. "It's black tie right?" Andrew just nodded, "I know just the dress, shopping!"

"Take Emma with you she wants to go shopping." Darien mumbled, still in the fridge. "Andrew where is all the food?"

"Shops buddy. Remember shopping is on Thursday. Just raid Lita's fridge she went yesterday."

"I heard that," Lita called from the front door. "Why didn't you pick me up Serena? Its icy out there."

"Last time I went to pick you up; you were late then told me you were gonna stay back. I waited for almost an hour. I have given up. Next time you want a lift give me a call."

"Ok."

"Serena," as soon as her voice was heard, four sets of eyes rolled skyward, "You shouldn't give up on your friends that easily."

"Yes, you should," Lita but in, "I give up on her when she's late or sleeps in or…"

"Yes, Lita. Point made." Serena cut her off glaring, "Emma this is a conversation between me and Lita."

"But.."

"Darien! Out of my fridge!" She noticed the red door open and the smell of cookies wafting up. She reached over and grabbed the cookie container out of his hand and slammed the door shut, "So Sere, where's the movie you promised us?" She asked not noticing Andrews; Cut, Stop, Quit signals.

"Oh, what movie?" Emma asked and Lita visibly cringed.

"Just some anime they are trying to get me to watch."

"What one?"

"Evangelion." Serena stated, "But I forgot to bring it."

"Oh well. That's too bad."

"Yeah, well I think I might go…" Serena stated looking pointedly at Emma.

"Well ok bye Serena, Darien do you want to go and get a movie?" She snaked her arm around his and smiled.

Andrew looked at Serena and grimaced. "Sere, will take us down and get one! Won't you Sere?"

"I spose there is enough time before I have to go out tonight."

Lita put her cookies back in the fridge and started munching on a piece of celery. "I brought The Village yesterday… If you wanna watch that?"

"Mina said it was crap." Serena cringed and she normally is on the mark.

"When did you last Mina?" Lita asked. "How is the baby?"

"Good, she is really good. Walking now. Have to babysit Honor tomorrow."

"You spend a lot of time with her." Emma stated. "Always moving between your friends when they need you."

"Yeah people move me to where I am most functional and look good."

Darien coughed, choking slightly on nothing; thoughts running through his head on where she would look good.

"I think we should think about dinner I want to go to bed early tonight and you all have class tonight."

Serena just walked to phone, this was code for pizza and as orders never changed she just ordered without asking. This left Emma to help Darien with cough.

**--**

Chapter 1…

Just as an explanation. They are only 2 years out of high school, trying to complete university degrees and work enough to support themselves this means compromising and living with 2 or three other people. Lita is an apprentice Chef, Andrew works in the arcade still and Darien works early morning in the supermarket stocking shelves. Serena quit school and is trying her hand at 4 different jobs, while still living at home. Mina is married with a baby girl. Emma is a rich party girl they all met in high school. The other scouts will come in later and I will explain them at the time. I cannot promise a chapter every week though I will try to have one out a fortnight.

_**Disclaimer. Only the characters that are not from Sailor Moon and the storyline are mine, I am only using these characters for my own purposes though they are owned by those great, powerful and rich people that created such a great universe.**_


	2. Don't know if I'm strong enough now

Her usual tinkle of laughter was replaced by loud gaffaws and snorts as Andrew told Serena of the lastest antics performed by

**You Will Only Break My Heart**

**Mistress Mina**

"When you say that love is a simple chemical reaction

Can't say I agree

'Cause my chemical yeah, left me a beautiful disaster

Still loves all I see."

Catalyst by Anna Nalick

**--**

_Serena smiled, though it didn't come across as a real smile, more as a grimace. He watched he;r completely regretful of everything that had happened between them. She hadn't spoken to him in 10 years; refused to come near him since that day._

_Time had been kind to her. She had slimmed down even though due to the birth of her child, her hips were rounded and her breasts were fuller. She had dyed her hair a darker shade and she now has a few lines and wrinkles._

_Each one of these features made her glow more beautiful than he could ever imagine. _

_The people she was talking to saw him looking and pointed to him. She nodded not even needing to look in his direction. This made him smile; she could always feel his presence before he alerted her to it._

_He had no idea if she would even look at him so he was really surprised when she excused herself and came over._

"_Hey." He greeted her leaning in for a kiss on the cheek. _

_She hesitated before letting him touch her. "Hey yourself; so… nice party isn't it."_

"_Yeah, Raye knows how to throw a bash." _

"_Serena!" Amy called from across the hall. _

_She smiled and waved to her friend. "Look Darien I'm sorry but I have to go…"_

"_Yeah, of course," he smiled, "Catch up later?"_

_She nodded, "Maybe."_

**--**

Later that evening after Emma left and he watched Andrew and Lita pull out of the driveway, he went to the kitchen and pulled Serena's hands out of the dishwater. He carefully dried each finger and kissed the tips lightly.

"What happened to you going to bed early? You could have been asleep for 20 mins by now."

"I didn't plan on being alone when I went to bed."

"You have a teddy." She smiled and patted his cheek. "Come on and go to bed you need to get some sleep."

He stood, holding her tightly so she couldn't pull away. "I like your pink teddy better."

"Smooth, but I have to go out in an hour." She pulled away gently, "And I promised I would finish the dishes and wouldn't wake you up."

"Well, I won't sleep till I have you, so finish the dishes and then give me some sweet dreams."

She turned, shaking her head lightly, "I will finish the dishes and leave you can give your own self sweet dreams. She kissed his cheek, "Now go to bed."

Her hand dipped back into the dishwater and let out the plug. "All done."

He pulled her to his bedroom door. "I have figured out where I think you look your best and most functional." He smiled and started unbuttoning her shirt, "Without clothes and in my bed."

She shook her head, "Look I have to meet Raye in an hour."

"Where?" he asked as the last button was undone and the fabric fell exposing her shoulder. He kissed the skin as it became available.

"At her place, we are going to the pub."

"We have time." His hands were under her skirt rubbing her thighs.

"I have to have a shower. I smell like a gym sock."

"You smell unbelievably good, you smell like you want me to love you."

"Love; more like have your way with me. I have to look fantastic, smell divine and find me some young stud that I can have my way with, I can't let Raye have all the fun."

"You have a young stud at your disposal right now."

"I know but I need someone real."

"I'm real."

"But we aren't," pulled his fingers away from her underwear.

Darien looked puzzled for a moment. "You want a boyfriend."

"No, not a boyfriend. I want a partnership. This is fun and great and passionate but I need a future." Before he could interject she finished, "right now though I need someone to wash my back; think you could be persuaded to help me?"

Darien smiled but it wasn't his usual mirth. "Let's see if I can help."

**--**

Emma stretched out on her bed, admiring her pretty pink toes. "I am never going to get him with those to guard dogs on my tail." She pouted and hit speed dial on the phone, "Matt darling, I have a favor to ask of you and your perky sister…"

­­­­**--**

Serena couldn't get the look on Darien's face out of her mind. I haunted her. Pulling at her heart strings. Never had anything they had ever done ever had this effect on this her. This was not meant to be an emotional attachment, why was it turning into one.

"Raye, I have to go. Did you need a lift home?" She leaned into to ask her friend in the dark and loud club.

"Sere, wait: I want you to meet Matt…" Raye pushed her toward the tall dark haired man she was talking to.

He leaned down and whispered in her ear, "I have been watching you, precious. I like your style." While he was talking to her he was rubbing his hand up and down her spine.

She wasn't sure if it was his voice or a ticklish spot on her back that made her shiver with anticipation.

Serena turned to say something to Raye only to find her friend had disappeared into the crowd.

"She is fine, come on; dance with me." He held her hand and pulled her toward him on the dance floor.

She doesn't know how she let it happen but she didn't leave his arms for the next 24 hours.

Talking, dancing, lying in peace, kissing and the odd grope; it was the oddest experience for Serena as she had never had someone be interested in her for something, anything other than sex.

They saw each other a couple more times during the week. Each time just relaxing and enjoying each others company.

­­­­**--**

It was Wednesday and he hadn't seen her since Friday; Serena had never stayed away form him for that long since this had started.

Darien drummed his fingers on the desk and let out a loud sigh; which gave many people in the library reason to glare and 'shush' him.

He had thought over what she had said about wanting a relationship though he was pretty sure he wouldn't be a good boyfriend; he couldn't understand the difference between partnership and boyfriend/girlfriend.

He raked his fingers through his dark hair trying to put together his thoughts. This being a secret he really felt like he had no-one really to talk to and sort through his mess of feelings and concerns. He really wanted to see her and get a bearing on this mess.

Her number was programmed into his mind and could dial it without much thought, "Hey Sere… How is your day going? I was just wondering if you were free this afternoon. … Catch up like we used to on the train to Uni … Oh, that's ok. See you on Saturday then… Sorry to bother you, you know have fun…" He listened to the click in the background, "I think I love you?"

His mind raced, Where did that come from; Did I even mean it; Am I going mental; Maybe not seeing her is making me this way; Am I that dependant on her presence?

Darien slide his earphones in his ears and blasted some rock music, leaving the tunes to soothe is mind. Give it a couple of days without her and I will see how I feel.

**--**

Chapter 2

Raye has come in to it now and in my little story she is Darien's cousin. Raye is currently living on the other side of the city and doesn't see them all as often as she would like too, she is studying hard at Uni and is notorious for her binge drinking weekends.


	3. I am hanging by a thread

You Will Only Break My Heart

**You Will Only Break My Heart**

**Mistress Mina**

"There's a kind of emptiness that can fill you up.

There's a kind of hunger that can eat you up.

There's a cold and darker side to the moonlight.

There's a lonely side to love.

With you here, baby I am strong; no sign of weakness

With you gone, baby I am hanging by a thread.

There's a certain kind of pain that can numb you.

There's a type of freedom that can tie you down.

Sometimes the unexplained can define you.

And sometimes the silence is the only sound."

Hanging by a Thread by Nickel Creek

**­­--**

Serena avoided visiting Andrew, Raye and Darien for almost a week, trying to beat up enough interest for the trip to the amusement park amongst her other friends. Raye jumped in the band wagon immediately, Mina was a little hesitant but eventually agreed; getting Ryan to agree and finding a babysitter for Honor; Ami had little money after a string of disastrous part time jobs (see kept correcting the supervisors), but had managed to get together enough money to come and hold everyone's bags; she really was petrified to get on the rides.

So this was how they all ended up on the hill overlooking Tokyo on the Saturday evening, watching the sun go down.

"It was such a _good_ day," Raye sighed and kicked her legs out to lie down.

"Yes, I had such fun; didn't you Darien?" Emma asked.

"Yes, It was good," He turned to Serena, "Where did you head off to today?"

This had all eyes on her. "I wanted to see the tigers." She laughed covering up the fact that she had spent the entire day hiding from Darien.

Andrew wasn't buying it, "You weren't there when I went." He quirked an eyebrow, "Did you run into a hottie?"

"No, she already has a new hottie on the sly." Mina added smiling. In response to the death glare she received from Serena she quickly added, "Me."

"Babe!" Ryan smirked, "Where's the video?"

This had everyone laughing and they all settled into watch the sunset in silence. This was the lull in conversation Serena wanted; she was still trying to piece together everything. She was contemplating ending her fling with Darien and leaving him the vultures (Emma).

The guy she met while out with Raye; Matt, was unlike any other guy she encountered. She left his place the next day and he rang her immediately to set up another date.

This was a shock, but a pleasant one. He was a pleasant surprise in all areas. Well built, he owned his own company, was the proud owner of 3 University degrees, he had a daughter to his ex; she was 3 and a perfect angel, he had dark hair that reminded her of Darien but his eyes were a golden brown like honey. His glasses gave him a hunky nerd quality that she found irresistible.

So far she had only told Raye and Mina about Matt and until she had a chance to tell Darien that was how she wanted it to stay.

This was one of the fantastic reasons she had avoided him all week and again today at the Amusement park.

She had watched him all day with Emma, Andrew and Lita. Emma clung to him like a limpet, while Andrew and Lita sniggered and mocked her from behind. Serena really had no idea what to do. Every time she felt Darien's touch she melted into it, whereas Matt's was like fire; setting her skin ablaze.

Matt still hadn't made a move to take it the bedroom which she wasn't sure was a disappointment or not.

They had seen each other 4 times during the week. He was moving in for the kill and fast. Between her jobs and their dates, she didn't have enough time to do much else.

Unfortunately Raye forgot her place and loudly asked, "So Serena, so how is Matt anyway?"

Emma smiled when she heard the name; her plan was working.

"Fine; talk about it later. Ok?"

Andrew perked up at the name. "Matt, huh?"

Serena just grimaced. "Yes, Matt. So Andrew how is your love life?"

"Better to be honest. I have met a chick at Uni."

This made everyone turn round in shock; he hadn't dated since his high school girlfriend died in a car accident. "Yeah, sooo?"

"Rita is just gorgeous and we have a very similar take on the world."

"Hence the extra studying you have done this week?" Darien mocked.

Andrew blushed. "Maybe."

Emma couldn't contain her smile anymore and laughed. Her plan was in very capable hands now.

"So about Matt?"

"What about him? He is just some guy I met last weekend."

"Some guy," Mina scoffed, "4 dates in a week is not just some guy."

"Four dates?" Darien mouthed. "So, it sounds serious? Is it serious?" he asked dreading the answer.

Serena looked and her lover, apologies written all over her face; she had really wanted to tell him in private. "Maybe," she answered, her eyes diverted so she couldn't see the hurt and defeat in his eyes.

Andrew watched the interaction between Serena and Darien. How could I have been so stupid? I should have seen it before.

Darien's heart twisted as the girls questions drove the knife in repeatedly.

"How old?"

"Criminal history?"

"Is he hot?'

"What does he do for a living?"

Serena just smiled and told a few little things about their courtship so far. Nothing specific, just little things.

Darien listened knowing she wasn't telling all the details to spare him. This was really his own fault he; he had a chance to make this an official relationship and he flinched, not ready.

He stood suddenly knocking Emma to the ground but not caring. She went to stand and follow him to play caring shoulder to cry on.

Andrew stopped her. "Leave him be."

Emma sat scowling on the grass when she noticed Serena had stopped talking and was nowhere to be seen. The girls and there partners were all walking to the cars and Lita smiled at her, "Time for me to go to work now."

They were all gone leaving her alone, she flicked open her phone and dialed a familiar number.

"Matt sweetie, she is hooked. Tell Rita she has also done a fantastic job."

**--**

Darien's mind blurred. The girl he wanted was dating another. Matt. How he hated that name.

He got home quickly and locked himself in the gym. The stereo went on loud and beat the boxing bag to the angriest rock music he could find. Not caring about the neighbor's complaints or the state of the speakers.

His only concern was how hard he could hit the bag, wishing it was this Matt guy, Serena or himself. He could figure out who he was madder at.

Matt for taking Serena…

Serena for not telling him…

His own self for letting him getting emotionally involved in Serena.

He thought back to when he met her in high school. She was this short skinny gangly blonde with deep blue eyes and a wicked smile chasing Mina under a tree to retrieve her water bottle. After threatening Mina with bodily harm she got it back quickly and flounced over and took a swig of the drink he had just put on the table and pinched a chip from his packet while carrying on a conversation with Lita like it was perfectly normal. He couldn't believe the audacity of this girl and went to tell her a few things about manners when she leaned over and introduced herself except it was more like, "Who are you?"

"Darien, and who forgot to teach you manners? You don't just take things that don't belong to you."

Serena giggled, "It's alright Darren, you'll learn."

"It's Darien, Serena." Raye piped in placing her hand on his shoulder to stop him from blowing up. "This is my cousin, just moved here."

"Transfer student. Interesting. Didn't you tell him bout us Raye? He would have known then."

"I told him, I think he just has a screw loose somewhere in this thick skull." They laughed.

He was indignant. He really didn't like this Serena chick at all. She seemed to think that everything she did was acceptable; like everyone would just follow her lead like some kind of royalty. He spent the next 2 years avoiding her and he was still foggy on the details as to when they actually became friends.

It was just like she appeared one day and never left. She was always there to help him, listen to his problems, laugh at his jokes and set him up with a prom date when he didn't have one. They really were alike.

When he introduced her to Andrew that he stopped talking to her and just started feeling her up instead. He stopped all emotions including friendship. He wasn't ready for that yet.

He really got jealous of how close Andrew and Serena got, they did so much together, talked all the time and started leaving Darien out of their adventures.

Fast forward 3 years and Serena still had the same friends surrounding her. It had taken him years to figure out that she really was royalty and he had willingly become part of her court. It was a trap getting involved in her life; you could bear to drag yourself away.

He was going to ask her out today. On a real date as a real couple as the beginning of a real relationship; but it was too late now, she was bound to stop all activities with him now that Matt was in the picture.

He didn't even realize that Andrew was banging on the door until the window opened and with her usual athleticism fell on the floor. (She got her foot caught on the window sill and hit her head on the bench press.)

"Ow." She rubbed her head and ankle simultaneously. "I'm in Andrew. I will bring him out when you make some pancakes."

"You sure."

"Yeah definitely pancakes."

"Sere…"

"Trust me I have got this." She listened for his foot falls leading to the kitchen and once confident they were alone blew up. "What were you thinking? If they didn't know bout us then they will now thanks to your performance."

"Got an ant bite." He was sullen, not giving her anything to work with.

"Bull."

"Why didn't you tell me bout Matt?" He asked without preamble.

"Didn't know you were my keeper?"

"Don't know what you'll catch and pass on."

"And I haven't screwed you since before I met him."

"And you won't again." Darien realized who he was angry with at this moment. It was definitely Serena he was angry at.

Serena stopped and let that sink in for a bit. He broke it off with her. At least it saved her the break off speech. One very important detailed flashed through her mind.

**He broke up with her!**

"That's fine. Like I care. I was going to stop this nonsense today anyway. You aren't as good a lover as Matt anyway." Liar her mind screamed.

Darien took a step toward her, arm raised, she knew she had hit the kill blow. He was going to hit her and she shut her eyes bracing for impact. He surprised her when he cupped her face instead. She opened her eyes and got lost in his stormy blue.

"You have never had better and I will prove it." He leaned in to kiss her; all the anger, rage and passion he was feeling went into that kiss, before moving down and nibbling at her neck.

"You said you wouldn't have me again." Serena's body responded and she hoped he wouldn't stop and those pancakes would never be ready.

"I could never pass up a challenge."

**--**

**Chapter 3**

**FYI; the flash forwards are about 13 or 14 years in the future from this time. They will not be in every chapter but probably every 2****nd****. Everything that happens now will feed the future.**

**Thanks for you reviews if you have any comments or questions just review and I will address them.**

**MM**


	4. Why does fate make us suffer

--

**You Will Only Break My Heart**

**Mistress Mina**

"Would you mind if I hurt you?

Understand that I need to

Wish that I had other choices

Than to harm the one I love

What have you done now!

I know I'd better stop trying

You know that there's no denying

I won't show mercy on you now

I know I should stop believing

I know there's no retrieving

It's over now, what have you done?"

What Have You Done? By Within Temptation

**--**

"_Serena," he called, reaching and grabbing her hand to stop her escape; he had a question he _needed_ the answer to._

_She flinched away from his touch as her hand burned from the contact. It was familiar and just as soft and loving as she remembered but she still wasn't ready to accept it._

_She held his gaze, blue eyes burning with curiosity._

"_Will you ever forgive me?" Darien's heart stopped as he waited for her answer._

_Serena bowed her head almost ashamed of her answer. "I have to; its part of my therapy." With that she fled to the safe refuge of her friends._

_He nodded to himself, and then smiled, having felt her skin for the first time in 12 years. One thing about her soft hand really stood for him in his mind; the cool diamond studded gold band on her finger._

_She may not have forgiven him yet but she still wore his ring and her words from all those years ago echoed in his mind, _"You will be my only love for as long as I wear this ring; Yes, I will be your wife."

**--**

Serena went to picked up Andrew to go to the movies on the Tuesday night; Emma's car was already parked out the front. When Andrew opened the door and glared at her.

"What did you say to him the other day?"

Serena was confused. She couldn't remember saying anything that would provoke this reaction. "Nothing. Why?"

He opened the door and let her see the view behind him. Down the hallway Emma and Darien lay on the couch, cask of wine beside them. His hands were under her top and her tongue was in his mouth.

Serena gasped; her heart in her throat. A feeling she never thought she would feel toward Darien radiated through her body. Jealousy; the deep green shade that ate at her soul.

"They have been doing that for the past 2 hours." Andrew ducked his head. "Of all people; Her."

Serena had no idea what to say, how to act, how to react. She walked straight past them and into Lita's room. "Lita, we are going to the movies; you want to go?"

She looked up from her place on the bed, "Did you see that?"

She knew that Lita wasn't talking about the DVD she was watching. "Yeah, I am real shocked."

"Are you gonna ask them?"

"If I can get through the red wine haze of hormones."

"Well I'll go if they do; I don't want that skank getting knocked up on my couch."

Serena nodded and headed out to the lounge room swallowing the bile that was quickly accumulating in her throat. "Dare; Emma, do you wanna see a movie with us tonight?"

There was no response, just a few faint grunts and the like. Serena grabbed the drink out of Andrews hand and tipped it over them and watched them pull apart quickly.

"What do you think you are doing?" Darien looked up at her. "You got a problem Serena?"

"Yeah; I asked a question. I do not like being ignored."

"No. We do not want to go to the movies." He stated before leaning back into kiss Emma.

Serena threw her hands in the air. "Thank you; that is all I needed from you."

She walked back into Lita's room. "Come on. Just ignore them. Leave them to it."

Serena was furious. Almost shaking with frustration and anger she tried to swallow her pride and just leave him and Emma. If that's what he wanted then by all means let him have her.

She slammed the door on her way out Andrew and Lita ahead of her. It wasn't until the door slammed that Darien thought about what he was doing. He just wanted her to feel as jealous and miserable as he did.

He drank the last of the cask and tried to convince himself of what he was about to do. "Come on," he called pulling Emma into his bedroom.

**--**

It was 3 in the morning when Serena's phone rang. She had been sitting on her bed sulking; and when she saw his name on the caller ID she wanted to just leave it ring but when it started up the 4 time she answered it.

"What do you want?" She sighed, her anger leaving her as she heard his voice.

"_I am so sorry."_

"What have you got to be sorry for? You called off everything between us."

"_I just wanted to hurt you. You hurt me with Matt."_

She ran her fingers through her blonde hair contemplating what to say to him. "I'm sorry too then, I didn't mean for that to happen."

"_I want you back, I want this back…"_

"I don't think that will work."

"_Serena, please."_

"Go to sleep Darien call me in the morning." She hung up the phone, sleep was definitely not gonna be happening tonight she needed to think about her options now.

**--**

Emma listened to the phone call. She had had him but he still wanted her. She now knew the extent of their relationship and if everyone else was in the dark about it, then it was time for her to spread some light on them.

**--**

Emma walked out in the morning and poured herself some breakfast. "Morning Andrew."

He just grunted at her.

"Man what was up with Serena last night? I can't believe how jealous she is. I really wonder if that crush she had in high school is really gone. She claims it is, but that was a really jealous and possessive last night."

"She doesn't like him anymore they are just friends." Andrew poured himself a coffee and went back to his paper though his interest was peaked.

"Yet they always seem to spend a lot of time alone together. Maybe its not just her, maybe he might like her too, but he is with me now."

This had Andrew thinking. It was all Emma wanted. All it took was a seed of doubt to kill everything from friendship to true love.

**--**

**Chapter 4**

**Thank you to everyone that has reviewed. I issue a challenge lets see if I can get the same amount of reviews as each chapter number it is working so far. Now 4 reviews this chapter… **

**I am trying to get these flash forwards to work into the story in a better order but I must admit I am no good at it so please bare with it when it gets deeper in you will all understand.**


	5. When I don't trust myself life sucks

You Will Only Break My Heart

**You Will Only Break My Heart**

**Mistress Mina**

"The first time I thought it but I didn't do it

Last time that's when I really blew it

So this time I gonna do it different

Cuz I know, I know, I know

If I put everything I have into it

Eventually, I'm gonna get what good for me."

What's Good for Me by Lucy Woodward

**--**

Darien sat down with Andrew to play the play station; both sat silently trying to vocalize what was on their minds.

"So… Emma?" Andrew ventured. His eyebrows knitted, trying to work out his frustrations about everything Emma had said to him the day before.

"Try before you buy. I tried not gonna buy." Darien responded with a tap on the controller trying to defeat the monster on the screen.

"Oh," Andrew attacked his creature with the same vengeance. "So you aren't gonna see you again?"

"Only as friends… maybe? She still has the best contacts."

"Oh." They sat in silence both losing their battles.

"So how is Rita?" Darien asked.

Andrew shook his head. "Haven't seen her since class last week."

"Called her?" Darien was fishing; knowing if he was in a good mood he would be more receptive to what he wanted to say.

"Yep. She never called me back."

"Oh." They lapsed back into an uneasy silence, Darien's courage along with it. They attacked another creature in tandem defeating it easily.

"So no Rita."

"Established that."

"Anyone else you got your eye on?" He prayed silently that Andrew did want someone else to occupy his thoughts.

"Yeah. What do you think about Serena? Do you think she would go for me?"

Darien fumbled. "What about Matt?"

Andrew grinned, "She told me that was over. Just a passing fancy."

"Oh." He thought for a moment to try and come up with another plot. "I think she has a thing for someone else. I don't really see the two of you together; you seem more like brother and sister."

"You sure? I see some real potential."

"No, your just friend's right?" Darien was panicked; this was not how he wanted this to go.

"Right now we are; but that could change."

"I think she said something about someone at work."

Andrew looked at him eyebrow quirked; Darien was fighting this at every turn. "Tom moved already."

"No, I think his name was… I don't know… someone though. Not Tom." Darien put down his controller. "You can finish; I have to go to class."

Andrew watched him leave, maybe there is something to what Emma said.

**--**

The apartment was empty when Emma let herself in later that afternoon. She let herself in using the spare key and walked into the kitchen and on the table she left a book, pages marked; addressed to Andrew.

"That should hit a nerve," she sniggered on her way out.

**--**

When Andrew got home he went through his normal routine; flick on the kettle, sort threw the mail, make a coffee, toss the catalogues, turn on the stereo and computer and check for notes from his housemates.

A quick note from Lita informed him they were nearly out of milk and asked him to pick some up and a note from Darien said he had picked up an extra shift and would be home late. On the table he noticed the book addressed to him, in handwriting he didn't recognize.

It was a hardcover pink book with glitter symbols all over it, trying to find out who was the owner her opened the first page for a name.

_Diary of Serena, Sammy close this book and walk away it's not yours and when mum finds out about your stash of porn you will cop it."_

He smiled that sounded just like her. Though he still couldn't figure out why her diary was here and addressed to him. He noticed the post it's around the side. "Maybe I am meant to read those pages because she has written something nice bout me?" It was twisted logic but it was all he had right now.

He opened the page dated 6 months prior. _'I couldn't believe the way I felt when he touched me, all tingly and on fire. After my crush on him in high school I can't believe what we were doing last night. I was so forceful and wouldn't let him go once he started it. We were only meters away from the others sleeping; but they were so far away in my mind. He seems good with my stipulations, after my break up with Jason a no strings fling with Darien Small is just what I need.'_

**--**

Andrew sent her the message late that night.

Be honest with me Serena. Have you done anything with Darien

Serena did a double take when she read it. She hated to lie so that wasn't an option. yes was her simple answer.

You told me you didn't have your crush on him anymore

I don't. No crush no love

So you are using him

Serena looked her phone in disbelief. No. It is mutual. I would do something with out consent.

Where's my consent?

I'm sorry Andrew I didn't realize that I needed it

Slut

You want to explain that comment

He offered her no reply and didn't reply to any of her other messages. She tossed and turned all night trying to decipher his messages. Nothing came to mind. In the 3 years they had been best friends not once had a nasty thing came out of his mind toward her. Sure they had bagged out Emma and few other people that bugged them but Serena had never experienced such open nasty behavior from a friend before and it scared her.

**--**

The next morning Serena was waiting outside Darien's classroom for him. He smiled when he saw her; she had been avoiding him since he rang her that early morning, and leaned into kiss her much to the delight of his class.

"Yo get it on Small." They called

Darien was just glad she came to see him; he really wanted to talk to her. She turned and melted into his kiss having missed it.

"Can we talk?"

"Did you think about what I said?" He slung his arm around her shoulders as they walked toward the cafeteria.

"Andrew knows." She spurted out.

"You told him?" He pushed her away and stared at her incredulously, "Why?"

"He asked." She shrugged. "I wouldn't lie to him; he's my friend."

He pulled her back to him, "Ok we can deal with this."

**--**

Serena and Darien walked into his apartment that afternoon; he held her hand, expecting a confrontation from Andrew but when he bounced into the room, this put her more on edge. Darien relaxed in her grip.

"I am so glad you two are together. I am so sorry about those messages Sere I was just upset that you didn't tell me."

"Oh." Serena mouthed, not completely convinced. Those messages had shown her a side of Andrew that she had never seen before and rocked her foundations. "Is Lita home?"

Andrew nodded and gestured down the hall, "In her room, where she always is." He smiled brilliantly but there was a glint in his eyes that suggested something else.

Darien pulled Serena closer for a moment, "See, I told you." He whispered in her ear. He let her go no seeing what Serena saw.

Serena opened Lita's door, not really knowing what reception to expect.

"Afternoon Sere." Lita was watching a movie and didn't bother looking up.

"So how has your day been?" She watched Lita for moment trying to gauge her mood.

"Great apart from Andrew's rants and raves all day. Trying to watch a movie has been impossible. Nothing but loud music and breaking dishes; until we heard you and Darien pull up. Do you know what his problem is?"

"I'm dating Darien." Serena mumbled.

"Yes; you are dating Darien?" Lita processed for a moment, "What?"

"I'm dating Darien." Serena winced as she spoke expecting fireworks.

"Oh god that's what is his problem. I already knew that I thought everybody did?" Lita rolled her eyes you have never been any good at concealing your emotions sweetie."

Serena pouted indignantly and poked her tongue out, "He seems ok now thou."

Lita shook her head, "Trust me Sere; he is a fruitcake. I mean why else would I spend all my time in my room?"

"I thought you just like your own company?"

Lita laughed tossing her dark hair over her shoulder, "You kidding, I get so bored. I only come out when he is at work or class. He is nice enough in small doses and helps pay the rent but completely crazy."

Serena's eyes widened, "I think I see that now."

"Good; with you two being so close I didn't want to tell you incase you told him and it just caused trouble. Anyway I am glad you and Darien are together. Did I tell you that Danny asked me to move in with him?" Lita smiled widely; it was a completely different expression than the one she just saw on Andrew.

"Really that is wonderful." Serena leapt across the bed to hug her. Lita rolled away quickly though she landed on the floor. "What's prompted this? Hum?"

Lita looked up from the floor; hesitating to tell her, "He proposed but he doesn't want me to tell people until he gets the ring off lay by."

"Congratulations, that's so amazing." He helped her up off the floor and hugged her.

"You can't say anything yet. I haven't told them yet."

"Promise. That is so exciting."

Lita glanced warily at the door. "I'm not sure what they will say." She hesitated again, "Sere, Don't let him stop you doing what you want okay? And he will try."

She nodded. "When do you start work tonight?"

"40 mins, can you take me?"

"Yeah. Now?" Lita nodded, "Ok get your things I will meet you in the car."

She walked into the lounge room and toward the front door. Darien reached up and pulled her into his lap. Serena being Serena fell with an undignified yelp. "Where are you going?"

"I'm taking Lita to work."

"Ok. I am going to take a shower and then take you out for dinner."

She smirked, "So you want to make yourself pretty but I am unable to?"

He grinned in response. "Who said anything bout being pretty I am stunning." He flexed his muscled. "I just want to smell better. You always smell wonderful." He snuggled into her neck breathing deeply.

"Good save." She murmured while he littered her skin with kisses. She giggled trying not to feel compelled to stay.

She was saved by a loud clearing of the throat. Darien leaned in and closed his eyes, "They know and I still have to hide."

Serena looked up into Andrew's eyes. He was running his fingertip over the blade of a large knife.

Darien moved his head slightly and Andrews's expression changed and big smile covered the glare.

"Hey buddy, you want dinner tonight?"

"Nah. Its cool we are going out." Darien helped Serena out of his lap.

"See ya later Andrew." Serena nodded to him.

"Yeah, you go home and get pretty; I'll pick you up in an hour."

She nodded.

Lita walked out, "Come on, you can do that later. I need to go." She dragged Serena down the stairs and into the car.

She had just dropped her off when her phone beeped.

"_Like the knife I had to pull out of my back?"_

Serena shivered; suddenly cold, "Did I really hurt him that bad?" She whispered to herself.

**--**

**Chapter 5**

**Thank you for reading.**


	6. Save me from my emptiness

You Will Only Break My Heart

**You Will Only Break My Heart**

**Mistress Mina**

"Even if I leave you now and it breaks my heart

Even if I'm not around

I won't give in

I can't give up

On this love

You've become piece of me

Makes me sick to even think

Of mornings waking up alone

Searching for you in my sheets

Don't fade away"

This Love by The Veronicas

**--**

_Ami hurried Serena to where she stood in the hall. "Why were you talking to him?"_

_Serena sighed, "You; my dearest therapist, told me to forgive him."_

"_Serena I told you to forgive him, not to actually speak to him. You get so rattled when you do." Ami slightly shook Serena's shoulders unable to help herself._

_Serena peeled her friends fingers from her body, "Look I know you are sick of picking me up from my low points; but I needed to speak to him for closure."_

"_Ok," She straightened Serena's shawl, "Sorry. I am just worried about you."_

"_You said it yourself, it has been 12 years since it happened and I need to move on."_

_Ami smiled, "After 20 odd years you are finally listened to me."_

"_After your nagging how could I resist?" _

_They shared a genuine smile, "Now you seem to be taking my words seriously, does that mean you will be going to the prison?"_

_Serena nodded._

"_When?"_

"_The anniversary of…" _

_Ami stopped her nodding. "Ok, did you want me or one of the others to go?"_

"_Maybe. I don't know yet. I think I need to do it alone."_

_Ami nodded again, "Ok. Now let's go congratulate the bride."_

_They linked arms and walked over to Raye and her new husband._

**--**

_Darien watched her from where he sat, until a hand waved under his nose, "Curry puff?"_

_He waved it away, it was in his way and now he couldn't see her. _

_The owner of the hand pulled him around to face her. "You bring me to your cousin's wedding, I thought it was to meet your family but no instead you want me to spy on some woman that seems like some kind of space cadet. She is a complete and utter nutter."_

_Darien shook is head, "She's not crazy. What did you learn?"_

"_She is crazy. Did you know she is in therapy? That is her therapist." She took a bite out of her curry puff._

_Darien nodded, "I know. Tina what have you learned?"_

"_She is going to the prison on some anniversary. Why is she of such interest to you?"_

_Darien sighed. "She is my wife." He saw Serena slip outside out of the corner of his eye. "Have fun; enjoy the party," He handed her some money out of his wallet. "Find your own way home, I will see you at work on Monday."_

_He disappeared into the crowd leaving his business partner confused over the talk of this wife he hadn't mentioned ever. "Yeah, yeah. Monday."_

**--**

_Serena felt his presence as soon as the door opened. Her skin tingled; aching for his touch, as much as she didn't want to admit it. As she turned to face him her body swayed and tears welled in her eyes. "Why?" She whispered._

"_I guess Raye forgot the importance of this location." He didn't bother responding to her question._

_Serena shook her head. "None of them knew. I didn't tell them. They still don't know."_

"_You never told them bout our wedding?" He was shocked. It was such a big day for him yet she never told her friends about it; but at the same time he didn't tell anyone either._

"_It was over before the end of the day. Why bother burdening them?"_

_He took a step toward her and she took a step back. "Please… you never let me apologize."_

"_You don't need to apologize. We are both at fault. I should have told you what happened. You should have trusted me."_

_He moved toward her again. "Can we be friends again?"_

_She shook her head thou she let him continue his approach, "You know that never worked for us."_

_His hand raised to her face and she closed her eyes. "Please let me back in."_

"_You never left." His touched her cheek and she melted in, "Please don't touch me. You know I can't resist." Her tears rolled down her cheek and she sighed as the rough pad of his thumb wiped it away. _

_He leaned in and pressed his lips onto hers. "I can't let you leave. I can't stay away from you." He watched her face, her eyes closed and her cheeks flushed, "You are more beautiful than ever." The tragedy was etched in every line in her face. "Stay with me tonight."_

_She shivered at the invitation. "I hate that I love you. Please…" _

_He answered her with a kiss that heated the cool night air. _

**--**

_The next morning Darien woke up cold and alone. She had gone, didn't even say goodbye. The feeling in the pit of his stomach was hard and cold like his bed._

_She had given him hope then cruelly ripped it away. At least he understood what she had forgotten to mention. There was no going back but there was always forward. _

_Her love hadn't waned, which meant they always had a chance to restart. _

_He knew where she would be in a couple of weeks and that's where he would be as well. It would give him an opportunity to confront his past as well._

**--**

**Chapter 6**

**This is dedicated to fully to the flash forward. It is shorter than the other chapters but I needed it to move forward a little faster to get the past and present to meet more equally. The next chapter should hopefully be about a week away I have a busy week this week so forgive me the delay.**

**MM**


	7. It's killing me slowing

You Will Only Break My Heart

**You Will Only Break My Heart**

**Mistress Mina**

"Friends we've been for so long,

Now true colors are showing

Makes me want to cry, oh yes it does

Cos I have to say goodbye

By now I should know

That in time things must change

So it shouldn't be so bad

So why do I feel so sad?"

Why Do I Feel So Sad by Alicia Keys

**--**

Serena decided to talk to Andrew and try and sort out what was going on between them. Seeing this new side of him and hear such weird and crazy things about him was really unsettling.

She showed up on their door step the afternoon after her date with Darien after her shift at the store before her other job later that night. She knocked a few times, Andrews car was here and so was Darien's but nobody was opening the door.

"Andrew? Are you there?" She knocked louder trying to get their attention, knowing how engrossed they got in the video games they enjoyed playing. Nobody was answering and it irritated her. She decided to just leave a note on the door for Andrew to call her and left.

She got to her car and her phone rang, not looking at the caller ID she just answered expecting it to be Andrew or Darien telling her to came back up.

"Oh so now you answer?" She answered sarcastically.

"_Serena; its Aunty Irene, your father's sister. Do you remember me?"_

Serena remembered her, although they hadn't seen each other in the 10 years since her father had left her mother, "Yes of course, how are you?"

"_Not so good dear,"_ Serena could hear the choked sob in the back ground, _"Your father just passed away."_

"Oh." Serena was shell shocked; she didn't have a lot to do with her father anymore, never had a lot to do with him when he was living with her too. "Um… What happened, I didn't even know he was sick?"

"_Neither did we, he had a heart attack this morning and they tried to revive him but it didn't work." _

Serena had no idea what to say or even what to think. It was a complete surprise and with the estrangement she had mixed feelings.

"When is the funeral?" She asked trying to get her bearings.

"_I was hoping that you could be here to help out with the funeral arrangements; it was your fathers wish that you plan it."_

"Um…" She was trying to put together her schedule in her head so she could figure out when she could leave for her Aunty's house.

"_We had taken the liberty of booking your flight for tomorrow morning… I hope that is ok? I know you have limited funds."_

Serena shook at the implications, she was her father's only child and he wanted her to organize his funeral and now her aunty had booked her flight and she didn't have a choice. "What are the details? Give me a second to find a pen." She riffled around her car for a pen a paper, "Ok go."

She wrote down the details, "And the return flight?"

"_Honey you can stay as long as you like, you will have a lot on your plate; and myself and Dennis your father's attorney will be able to help you through it all."_

Serena read between the lines, of course, she would have to deal with the will and his estate, "Thanks Aunty. I will be there tomorrow."

Serena hung up the phone; she started the car in a daze not noticing Andrew standing beside her car knocking on the passenger window.

Andrew saw her face though, he knew something was wrong and it pulled at his heartstrings. She was still his friend even with her betrayal still fresh, he still cared.

­**--**

Serena's mother and step father's reaction was to be expected, "Good riddance. And to burden you with it all is just rude."

Serena just nodded. She felt such obligation but no real desire to do it. She rang all of her workplaces and put in for extended leave and packed her bags. She rang the airline and confirmed her flight and organized a rental car.

She rang Mina and asked her to take her to the airport and tried to if she should see the girls before she left. Deciding to catch up for a coffee she sent them all a message to meet her at Mc Café so she could explain before she took off.

She really wanted this mess with Andrew sorted out before she left so she left to speak with him privately so as not to leave it on the outs.

When she pulled up for the second time that day she was sticking to her guns and not leaving until she got what she wanted.

"Andrew open up, we need to talk."

The door creaked open slightly. "What's up?"

Serena pushed the door open, "My dad just died and I am leaving in the morning."

His face fell realizing why she had ignored him earlier. "Ohh… I am so sorry."

Serena grimaced still unsure of how she felt about it. "I didn't really know him, Can we talk?"

He led her into the kitchen and put the kettle on; they always had their heart to hearts over hot chocolate.

"Why have you been acting so scary?" Serena asked when he handed her the mug. While waiting for his answer she breathed in deeply the smell of his hot chocolate was always good.

Andrew didn't answer straight away. "You remember years ago when I had that problem?"

Serena nodded knowing that he referred to his heroin addiction in school. "You're not doing drugs again are you?"

He shook his head, "No but they mucked with my head and sometimes I can't control my impulses."

"Oh," she sipped her drink, "Ok." She paused trying to gather her thoughts. "Why did you trip out so much?"

"I thought you were on my side Sere?"

"I always am; we have been friends forever. What were you fighting so hard for?"

Andrew avoided eye contact for a good while until she poked him in the side, "Honey tell me." She sing songed.

"I am in love with him." Andrew eventually whispered.

They sat in silence contemplating what this meant for both of them now that it was out in the open. The hush continued for a good half an hour, while they avoided eye contact and sipped their drinks, staring into the creamy brown liquid both secretly wishing they could drown in it.

"I am so sorry, I should have known. The signs were all there. I am so selfish." Serena eventually responded.

Andrew just grimaced, "Too late now he loves you."

They got startled when they heard the front door slam and Andrew's flat mate's voices in the hall.

Lita walked into the kitchen and noticed the tension immediately and smiled in greeting before leaving the room with a, "So just come and get me before you leave."

Darien was flogging the marshmallows out of the cupboard when he looked up, "I just got home and you are gonna leave?"

She grimaced, she didn't really want to think about how she was gonna tell Darien and how he was gonna react but after the bomb shell Andrew had just dropped it was seriously the last thing on her mind. "I am having coffee with the girls; I have to fly out in the morning."

"Fly out." He muffled out mouth full of marshmallow.

"My dad died I have to go to arrange the funeral and his affairs."

Darien swallowed quickly, "How long?"

"I don't know. I want to be back as soon as possible. I don't want to lose my jobs."

"Are you ok?" He fussed over her rubbing her shoulders it should have been comforting but with Andrew sitting so close it was just uncomfortable. "When is your flight?"

She was tempted to lie but it would just cause problems, "Six."

"Oh," She could hear the defeat in his voice, "Did you need me to take you to the airport?"

"Nah, its ok Mina is taking me and you have to work."

"I could skip it you know."

She shook her head, "You need the money." She glanced at Andrew; he nodded knowing what she thinking. "Can I stay tonight?" She asked him.

"Of course," Darien's smile was bittersweet.

Serena melted into his kiss knowing how uncomfortable it was for Andrew but unable to resist his touch. "I will be back later keep the door unlocked for me."

"Always." She knew this was a double edged sword but refused to acknowledge it. She had made up her mind and nothing was going to change it. Tonight would have to be goodbye.

**--**

It was three in the morning when she slipped from Darien's bed. She kissed his dark hair and then dodged his arms as he went to reach for her; he was still asleep thank goodness.

She left a small note on his bed side table and left; his life for what she hoped was for good.

Mina picked her up outside his house, she picked up on her mood but missed the reason behind it, she held her arms out, "Come on sweetie you will be back in his arms soon enough. You only will be gone for a few weeks at most."

Serena offered her a half smile. "Soon, yeah."

**--**

**That people's is chapter 7. I hope you are enjoying it; or at least trying to. I am finding this a great way to release all my feelings toward this time in my life. Reviews welcome; Flames too if that's what you feel. Love heaps. See you in another week **

**MM**


	8. Cause I keep on falling as I try

You Will Only Break My Heart

**You Will Only Break My Heart**

**Mistress Mina**

"Where is that simple day,

Before colors broke into shades?

And how did I ever fade into this life

Into this life?

And I never want to let you down

Forgive me if I slip away

When all that I've known is lost and found

I promise you, I, I'll come back to you one day

Morning is waking up

And sometimes it's more than just enough

When all you need is love

Is in front of your eyes

It's in front of your eyes"

February Song by Josh Groban

**--**

Darien fingered the small piece of paper, it was almost transparent now. For the last 8 weeks this was all he had of her. This tiny piece of paper with a couple of words, 'Sorry I didn't want to wake you. See you later. Goodbye.' Eleven words. How's that even a note to survive 8 weeks.

Eight weeks. Almost two months. Her smell was now gone from his pillow. He was left empty. He checked his bank account on the internet. He was sick of these 'soon' references she kept telling him on the phone. He was gonna go and get her if that's what it would take.

He had listened to Mina and Lita's conversation the night before; he wasn't ashamed of breaking their privacy especially when they were talking about her.

'So she has a new job does she?' Lita asked in a whisper.

Mina's answer was in the same tone, 'The job she had been going for up here but kept getting passed over. She reckons that she can't come back just yet. Something about a betrayal. She never betrayed me so don't know what that is about.'

'Me neither. But she did promise to be back for my wedding didn't she?'

'Like she would miss it. When are you moving?'

'Next week. The lease is up and those two are renewing it with out my name.'

'Oh. When is your wedding?'

'Just over 6 months. Just before Christmas.'

'That's good means Sere will be here for Christmas.'

The rest of their conversation drowned out in his ears, Christmas is not soon and she would be coming home tomorrow if he had to bring her home himself.

**--**

Serena let the noise drown out around her trying to calm her nausea. The café was busy but manageable. Her more than capable staff always had everything under control. She took a couple of deep breaths. He stomach had been rolling continuously since she had taken this job.

She was very fortunate that her boss in Tokyo had business contacts down here willing to take her on; but if this sickness didn't pass soon she would have to find a doctor too. "It's just stress," she hummed to herself, "Don't let the staff see you like this."

She went out to her office and sat down with her head on the desk. The nausea rolled over her in waves. This was the worst it had been. "Molly?" she called to her 2IC. It took a couple of minutes before she heard her door open.

"Yeah?"

"Can you ring your doctor? I need an appointment today."

"Yeah sure," she already had her mobile out and was ringing; it only took a few seconds before an appointment was made for an hours time.

"Thanks." Serena thought for a moment, "Can you ring my aunt to come and get me?"

Molly's phone beeped at that moment. She read the message. "On her way."

Serena sighed loudly, "I really shouldn't have given you that number. I always get caught in the middle of your schemes."

"We are just looking out for you." Molly patted her back, "I know what it is like in a new town not knowing anyone. I just want to help."

Serena looked up and smiled, "Thanks I do appreciate it."

Molly tried to walk back out to the shop and stopped. "So Sere, did you want to rent the other half of my duplex?"

Serena smiled widely, "I think that would be excellent I think I imposed on my aunt long enough. Is tomorrow too soon?"

"Never." Molly left Serena to her illness. She had a fair idea what was wrong with her but knew Serena wouldn't accept it without a doctors authority.

**--**

"Pregnant." The world under her feet began to roll and her stomach followed suit. The doctor passed her the spew bag.

"Yes now when was the last time you had your period?"

Serena really had to think, with everything that had been going on in the last couple of months she really couldn't remember. She grimaced when she remembered, "Almost four months ago." She whispered, ashamed that she hadn't even thought about that. That meant she had been pregnant for a good 6 weeks when she had left.

"Ok." She typed some things into her computer. "That puts your due date roughly in October. I will have to send you in for an ultrasound to give you a better date."

Serena nodded mutely as the doctor made her some appointments with specialists and rattled off some general information about what to eat and what not to do.

Serena let this information roll around in her head trying to figure out what she was gonna do. She was gonna have a baby in 4 and a half months. She was gonna have Darien's baby in October. She was just setting up her new life without him and now he would be here to stay. "I think I need to lay down. Can I go home now?"

The doctor nodded, "Yes but please make an appointment for next week. Remember you have your ultrasound on Friday."

Serena walked into the waiting room so lost in her own thoughts she walked straight past her Aunt.

Her Aunt stopped her with a simple question which made Serena extremely wary, "So when are you due?"

Serena stopped and stared, "You knew?"

"Honey I have three kids. Of course I knew." Irene slung her arm around her niece. "You need to ring your mum. And the father."

"I think I will go home and see mum this weekend. Darien will never need to know."

Irene nodded. She would press this issue again later but for now she would just help her accept the pregnancy.

**--**

Darien patted Serena's ever expanding swollen pregnant tummy, "Baby I want a girl this time, just like you."

Serena chuckled, "You will get what your given and you will love it all the same."

He leant in to kiss her then spotted something over her shoulder, "Chad don't feed your burger to the fish, they have their own food."

Serena tried to bury her head into his shoulder to smother her giggles. "Your son." She whispered.

Darien smiled proudly lifting her chin so she could meet his eyes, "My son! With his mothers prone to getting into trouble quality."

Serena huffed, "Not fair. I don't always getting into trouble."

"Who said you're his mother?"

"I think the caesarian scar says that he is." She pouted.

Darien leaned down and stroked her stomach, "Hey little one, try to be nice to your mummy on the way out. I kinda like that part of her body." He received a clip around the ears for that comment; he kissed her belly button and dragged himself up. "Can we go to bed yet?"

"When your son finishes dinner and you bath him and dress him then put him to bed with a bed time story, while I have a shower." With every point she poked him in the shoulder.

Darien kissed her ear, "Wanna hold off on the shower and I scrub your back."

"Maybe." She pretended to think about it.

He leant in and kissed her deeply. "Persuade you to my cause yet?"

"Try again."

"I love you Serena."

"Love you too," she mumbled as he pulled her in again.

Vv

Serena woke up with that kiss still tingling her lips, and her ears ringing with his words. She shook her head trying to clear it, when that didn't work she got out of bed and made her way into the bathroom where she splashed her face with some water. She looked up into the mirror, getting a sudden urge to look at her current belly she lifted her shirt and looked at her small bump in her mirror.

It was almost noticeable now that she knew what she was looking for, a small bump on her previously flat stomach.

"Well little one, dreams don't come true and your daddy won't even know about you." She let her shirt fall back down. "Move today and go tell your nanna this weekend."

Molly had partly furnished the duplex ready for Serena to move in. Which was really helpful as Serena still hadn't brought anything more than a suitcase of clothes from home. Her aunt had given her a bed and some towels and a cot, basinet and assorted baby clothes.

Serena tried to knock back all the baby stuff but Irene was glad to be rid of it.

She was not looking forward to seeing her mother; they spoke regularly on the phone but Celeste still saw this move as grossing to the dark side and like Serena had abandoned her. This left her feeling torn. She was just running from her problems not running to a new family.

Serena was lucky to have received such a generous inheritance from her father though most of it was still tied up in lawsuits with his second ex-wife, trying to get a cut; though when it became free she was hoping to invest it all in an account in the baby's name.

The baby. It was a concept that was growing on her slowly. She nodded her head decidedly. Her baby. Her home. Her new start.

It was time to face up to it all. She would tell her mother in person, tell the girls that she wasn't coming back for good, she had to talk to Andrew and tell Darien to move on!

**--**

Darien disembarked his flight ready to take Serena home with him on the nest available flight.

Serena's mother Celeste had given him Irene's address now he just had to find it. He jumped in a cab and handed over the address to the man.

He wanted her home.

**--**

**Chapter 8**

**Thank you everyone for reading, the reviews have been mostly positive and I am glad. Please keep up your feedback both positive and negative, help me help you. **

**MM**


	9. I'd cheat destiny to be near you

You Will Only Break My Heart

**You Will Only Break My Heart**

**Mistress Mina**

"Driving away from the wreak of the day

And I'm thinking 'bout calling on Jesus

Cause love doesn't hurt so I know I'm not falling in love

I'm just falling to pieces

And if this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up

On Love, On Love.

And maybe I'm not up for being a victim of love

When all my resistance will be distance enough…"

Wreak of the Day by Anna Nalick

**--**

Irene watched the orange taxi pull up in her driveway, very confused until she saw the tall dark haired young man get out of the car.

"Hey Chooky," she called to Serena in the kitchen.

Serena popped her head out the screen door. "Yeah, what's…" she trailed off as she looked to where her aunt was staring. "Oh no."

"Time to face the music." Her aunt whispered, "If you aren't gonna tell him go put on some thicker clothes."

Serena looked down at her tank top and shorts. "He won't notice; blame your cooking if he does."

"I don't cook."

"Exactly." She smiled pointing to pile of take away containers. "I am gonna have to handle this myself."

**--**

Darien watched the house; it was really big. 3 stories's, built into the side a steep hill, there was bush land all around; really idyllic location. 'No wonder she wants to stay,' he thought to himself. He picked up his travel bag and walked to front door and went to knock but the door opened and a slightly disheveled Serena looked out at him trying to calm her breathing.

He thought it was due to her excitement racing to the door, though for Serena it was fear and dread.

She plastered a smile on her face. "Darien, why are you here?"

He took a step toward her and she stepped back and gestured to the dish bubbles on her hands. "I missed you," He stepped toward her again and enveloped her in a bear hug not caring about her wet hands. "I want to take you home."

He breathed in her scent and waited for her to relax in his grip.

Serena stiffened in his arms unsure of how to react. She felt his nose in her hair, as much as she didn't want to admit it she had really missed his arms around her; it was safe and warm. She let go of the breath she was holding and relaxed into his hold.

"Come on. Meet my aunty then I have to go home and pick something up for work."

He stopped her as she turned to go up the stairs. "Home? Work?"

"I couldn't support myself. I ended up getting that move up that I have been training for back home. I only moved out of here this morning."

"Were you ever gonna tell me?"

"I am flying back tomorrow; I wanted to tell you in person." She bowed her head, "I'm sorry."

"How long are you going back for?"

"3 Days." She pulled him up the stairs, "Come on I have to get going. Aunt Irene I want you to meet a friend a friend of mine."

Darien flinched when she referred to him as friend. He wanted to yell from the rooftops that he loved her yet she called him friend. It was a kick in the guts.

Irene greeted him sincerely, she was very eager to meet the man that trapped her niece. She asked him many questions trying to get to know him.

He sat with her in the dining room while Serena finished the dishes in the next room. Darien answered all the questions while trying to figure out what had changed Serena so much.

He father had died but as she didn't really know him, he really doubted that it was it. She didn't even look the same, her eyes are now darker and her lips not turned in their usual smile. She even walked with heaviness in her step that he had never associated with her before.

Her light heartedness and smiling demeanor had complemented his dark moody behavior and looks but this was unlike any mood he had encounter in her before.

He had 3 days to try and bring back her smile.

The drive back to her new place was quiet each silently contemplating how they were going to get their own way.

Serena was unconsciously rubbing her stomach, trying to draw strength from her predicament.

Darien watched her reflection in the glass she was acting odd, looking different. He reached out to touch her arm and she reacted without thinking and reached back for his hand squeezing it lightly before realizing her mistake and dropping it like a hot potato.

"It was fun while it lasted but I don't think we should kid ourselves into thinking we can maintain this long distance."

"It will last." He nodded decisively, "you will come home to stay."

Serena ignored his comment, inwardly seething that he wanted her to give up her job, everything she had trained for over the past years. "Did you need a lift to the airport tonight?"

"I will fly with you tomorrow, go home together."

She pulled into her driveway and sighed, "Home." She pointedly smiled at her new place.

Serena pottered about getting a box and stuff from her Aunty's place out of the car while Darien let himself in through the kitchen and wandered through the house. He found her room and plonked his bag down on the bed. The bathroom was clean with a pile of towels in the bath. Not quite typical Serena mess yet but she had only moved in today. The lounge room was almost as messy as she was but still relatively clean, he moved toward what he assumed was the guest room and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the mahogany cot in the centre of the room.

Serena put the box onto the kitchen bench listening for where he had gone to. It was creepily silent until she heard the stereo come on in her room.

"Darien?" she called gingerly. She knew he would have to stay here tonight but she only had her bed and the cot. The cot, if he found that she knew the game would be up.

She knew if he slept in her bed she would have to find a creative excuse for her new tummy, 'Uhuh, my pig outs have finally caught up.' but a cot would take some real creativity.

She found him sprawled out on her bed, wearing only a grin. She could feel the heat starting to pool in her body.

"Um," she watched Darien's defined chest and followed the trail of hair to see his proud cock waiting he was stroking it gently. "Um, Darien. I don't think we should… um…" she trailed off when she saw the look in his eyes, "But if you want to do it yourself by all means, I am going to have a shower." She turned and fled to the bathroom.

He grinned; their chemistry had always been electric, he knew it wouldn't take long for her to emerge unsatisfied and begging. Then he could explore his hunch a little further. If he was right he had the perfect excuse for her to stay in Tokyo and he really hoped he was right. A baby. He was gonna be a Daddy.

**--**

Serena sat in the bottom of her shower sobbing and shuddering. This was not how it was supposed to go. She was going to have to out and out lie. She hated herself in this moment. Why did she have to react that way when ever he was near? Why did she feel like she was betraying all of her friends and her mother and him just by thinking these thoughts?

Why did he want her now? Before she had met Matt, it was just sex now he wanted her all the time and wanting more of her. Her love her passions and soul.

In high school she had liked him and more than found him sexually appealing but did she really love him? Is that what she wanted? This baby had just brought another element into this that threw her again.

Could she do it alone? Did she want to? Could she handle the pressure? What would be the best for the baby?

Serena just let the tears mingle with the water washing over her body and slowly rocked herself trying to calm down before facing him.

**--**

After an hour of waiting and still hearing the shower run, Darien was worried. She hated cold water but the heat should have run out by now. He knocked waiting for a response. "Sere?" He opened the door letting the steam escape. He could see her shape on the bottom of the shower, her long blonde tresses wrapping around her like a blanket. He opened the shower door and turned off the water. She didn't react excepting a shiver. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her shoulders, "Babe?"

He had wanted her to smile and laugh but instead had caused her pain. This pulled at him and made him so guilty. "I am so sorry. I just missed you so much." He wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her down with the towel, trying to beat the onset of the chill.

"Serena look at me, are you ok?"

She looked at him eyes bloodshot but shaded by her hair. He pushed it out of her face, "Are you ok?" the air was starting to chill with the evaporation of the steam and he shivered slightly.

"You should be wearing clothes." She admonished. "I am sorry but I can't see a future for us." She whispered; her eyes closed as she remembered her dream last night. "Please I have a good job one I love and a new home don't ask me to give it up."

"I will live here."

"You can't give up your dreams either. I would never ask that. Please just let us be friends and be grateful for that."

He paused before kissing her lightly on the forehead, "Sere what's with the cot?" She flinched, "Are you pregnant?"

She shook her head, "Just storing it for my aunt."

His hope was crushed he kissed her forcefully, she resisted until he mumbled against her lips, "Please Sere last time, promise."

They sat making out on the base of the shower for 10 mins before she pushed him off and bolted from the room, the only word he could pick out from her mutterings was 'Work'. He got up and followed her out, she was already dressing and throwing her hair unbrushed and wet into a messy ponytail.

"You must be tired, have a sleep while I am out, I'll bring home dinner."

**--**

_Raye and her husband walked off the plane and greeted her welcoming party. Serena, Lita, Mina and Amy were standing there smiling, whistling waving their boards. Welcome Home Mrs. Jadeite. _

_Damien pushed her forward and she raced over to hug them all. "Miss me?" _

_They all chorused dancing and carrying on. People in the airport smiled at their display of affection._

_Raye pulled Serena aside when the others moved toward baggage claim, "What's this I hear about you leaving my wedding with my cousin?"_

_Serena blushed and bowed her head. "We went to talk."_

_Raye snorted, "The only talk you two ever gave time to was between the sheets."_

"_No, we talked honestly." Serena had to look up as Raye was taller than her. "Please don't tell the others they will think the worst of me."_

_Raye smiled, "You will tell me the truth wont you?"_

"_Coffee tomorrow?"_

_Raye smiled. "Yes; Serena, Do you still love him." _

"_I am with Seiya now." _

_Raye stopped, "That isn't the question. Do you still love him?"_

"_I shouldn't but I never stopped." Serena smiled up at Raye. "Come on Honey you are a married woman now we brought your car so you and Damien, you know your husband; can drive home."_

_Raye chuckled, "I am married now aren't I?" She grinned widely. "Only need to get you married off now, you're the last."_

_Serena smiled and pushed her forward. "Go to him then." She waited for Raye to have caught up with Damien, before she let out a sigh, "You would kill me if you knew I already was."_

**--**

**Sorry it's late but you know those days when you think that your life is a soap opera? Well my week has been a bit like that. Trust me when I get around to it, it will be one hell of a story.**

**See ya in a week, fingers crossed. Reviews and flames welcome.**

**Cheers **

**MM**


	10. Sometimes lifes so bittersweet

You Will Only Break My Heart

**You Will Only Break My Heart**

**Mistress Mina**

"I was sitting on my doorstep,

I hung up the phone and it fell out of my hand,

But I knew I had to do it,

And he wouldn't understand.

So hard to see myself without him,

I felt a piece of my heart break,

But when you're standing at a crossroad,

There's a choice you've gotta make.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt,

I guess I'm gonna have to cry,

And let go of some things I've loved

To get to the other side.

I guess it's gonna bring me down,

Like falling when you try to fly,

It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life

Starts with goodbye."

Starts with Goodbye by Carrie Underwood

**--**

Serena left him at the airport to be picked up by Andrew. Anymore time spent with him begging and pleading would probably break her; or make her tear out her hair. It was very irritating.

It was always push, push, and push never really giving her a chance to process. She had made up her mind and he really needed to respect that. She pulled up at the coffee shop she had organized to meet the girls at.

It was almost 4pm and he watched Mina's car pull up, she pulled the pram out and then put Honor in it. It was second nature to her now. It was scary for Serena to watch. This was what her life was going to be like in a couple of months. Baby in a pram, bottles, nappies, screaming, crying, no social life. 'Deep breath,' it was starting to freak her out and she had to calm herself.

I am strong I can do this. Alone.

"Hey sweetie, how are you two today?" her voice changed to a higher pitch and she leant down and addressed Honor. "And how is my precious little niece today?" Honor smiled and Serena kissed her gently and greeted Mina in the same way with a kiss on the cheek. "So did you miss me?"

Mina giggled, "Did you miss me is the better question. How was your flight?"

They ordered their coffees and sat down to wait. "They are late again." Mina started, "And I have a kid and I can still make it on time."

Serena smirked, "Aren't I supposed to be the late one."

"You have changed; being a manager is having a good effect on you."

She stirred her coffee. "Yeah I like the flavored coffee now instead of the milkshakes. Hazelnut to be exact."

"You drink coffee now? Wow I really meant being on time and being responsible." Mina smiled brightly. "You were always more flaky than me; now you are all grown up."

Serena shook her head. "Not as responsible as I could be."

Lita and Amy walked in at that moment. "Hey sweetie, miss us."

She stood and enveloped her friends in a big hug. "Everyday." They all sat down and gossiped and caught up what had happened since she had left.

Serena filled them in about her aunt and Molly, her new home and work. Lita told her about moving in with Daniel and her wedding preparations. Ami had finally settled into a course in psychology and a good part time job. Mina's news settled around Honor and Ryan.

They were still waiting for Raye to show but she was generally late when she needed to fix her hair or nails. Amy observed Serena; she was quiet just listening to them all talk a sad smile on her face.

"Sere what's wrong?"

"Nothing major."

Mina giggled, "She's pregnant."

Serena's eyes shot up, "How does everyone seem to know before I do?"

Lita and Amy gawked. "What?"

Mina smiled, "I guessed but I didn't know for sure."

Raye entered at this moment, "Guessed what?"

"I'm pregnant." Serena hugged her self close, not expecting a giggle.

"Whatever; you pregnant? I'm glad you didn't lose your sense of humor while you where away." Raye grinned.

Serena smirked, "Geez I wish it was a joke." She put her hand on the small bump. "If there is a god, he made a mistake because I am not meant to be a mother."

They all cringed not really liking it when she went all self depreciating.

"You will be a great mum, sweetie. We have faith in you." Amy patted her on the arm. "You have a lot of love to give and you haven't exactly been spreading that around; have you?"

"Nope, I have only ever been with one guy." She grinned. "I save it all for my true loves of my life; lasagna, ice-cream and mud cake." She heard the grunt of dismay from Mina and quickly added, "And of course the most important people in the world… you guys."

"Ooh, suck up." Raye smirked. "I am gonna go get my coffee."

Serena got up and followed her to counter, "I need cake," she said as way of explanation.

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I only found out 2 Days ago."

Raye patted her on the head, "My dear sweet naïve friend, you never told me you where having sex."

Serena grimaced. This wasn't what she wanted to discuss. "Sorry it was just something that only happened a couple of times and never went anywhere."

"Except into parenthood."

"Not intentionally."

"Matt. Was it him?"

"Nah, we never had sex, he never wanted to. I would have thou." She shrugged. "He was hot."

Raye smiled, "He was."

They walked back to the table, Serena counting her lucky stars that Raye hadn't asked and Raye silently adjusting to the change in her friend.

**--**

They all went to leave the café walking and giggling toward their cars. Serena looked at them all as if it was for that last time ever. "I am going to miss you all so much."

"Move back." Raye stated.

"Not an option. Girls; just one last thing before I go, I had a huge fight with Andrew when I left; please can you not tell any one about my pregnancy I don't want it getting back to him. I will face him when I have to see him for your wedding," she gestured to Lita. "I will be back for that. You will not be able to keep me away. Please though keep it to your self. Please don't even tell your family, especially you Raye, Darien will tell him and I don't want it out."

She pleaded them all with her huge puppy dog blue eyes till they all relented. She hugged each of them and let them all pat her belly, Mina loved that she would soon have someone to commiserate over nappies and bottles with that she was almost in tears. "Love you heaps all of you."

She got in her rental and drove herself back to the airport. The trip was so crazy and emotional that she slept the entire way back to her new city and empty home.

**--**

**Have you ever had those fights with your computer so that the keyboard would work or even the mouse. Mine has been working once every 4 days. It has been driving me nuts being a laptop I have to get the thing in just the right mood or it won't work. Make me go mental. I wrote these chapters after the next one so sorry if there is a problem let me know and I will edit and fix it. I am so sorry for the delay but with my internet being cut off and the keyboard intermittedly working it had been an adventure.**

**MM**


	11. I sacrifice for you

You Will Only Break My Heart

**You Will Only Break My Heart**

**Mistress Mina**

"I can feel your sorrow

You won't forgive me

But I know you'll be alright

It tears me apart that you will never know

But I have to let go.

Tell me I'm frozen

But what can I do?

Can't tell the reasons

I did it for you

Well, I still need to try

I sacrifice for you

You say that I'm frozen

But what can I do?

Everything will slip away

Shattered pieces will remain

When memories fade into emptiness

Only time will tell its tale

If it has been in vain

I can't feel my senses

I just feel the cold"

Frozen by Within Temptation

**--**

Darien stomped through the door slamming various cupboards and doors. Today was his birthday and she was still not back. Andrew swung his head around his bedroom doorframe not expecting the door to come flying at his face. "Hey buddy that was unnecessary. This is a rental you know."

Darien just ignored him and went into the shower. Andrew wasn't giving up he wanted to know what had set him off this time. Ever since Serena had skipped town he was always in a bad mood and cranky.

Lita had moved out and so it was just the two of them now; so really it had to stop before the moods got too bad. He tapped on the door persistently. "Hey Dare. What do you want for tea?"

"Not hungry," came the muffled reply.

"So no cake then; want to talk about it?"

"No; Can you just leave me alone for 5 mins. I just want to have a shower in peace."

"I just care is all?" Andrew leaned his head against the door. Ever since he had told Serena how he really felt about Darien it just seemed harder and harder to even talk to Darien and as much as he wanted to talk about everything he couldn't even ring Serena to talk. She had disconnected her phone and Lita wouldn't give him her new number.

He knocked again; the groan on the other side wasn't enough to deter him. "I'm sorry. It's my fault she left."

The door swung open and he faced Darien's fiery blue eyes. The look almost knocked the breath out of Andrew. "Why?"

Andrew looked down at Darien's naked dripping body and swallowed deeply. "Sweet Jesus. Get dressed I have a confession."

**--**

When Serena had told Raye that she was pregnant all she could think about was yet another of her friends was walking down the path of motherhood. It really bugged her that none of her friends wanted to go out clubbing and drinking, they were all quite content in their lot but now they all seemed to be heading into the path in life that there was no return. Motherhood. Why would anyone want to have a child stuck to their hip at all times? It really confounded her. You would have no privacy, no time to yourself; someone would always want your undivided attention. You can't just give a child back; no returns policy was in place.

Mina had one and was actively trying for another, a few girls from high school had a couple, and Darien's older sister Susan had 2 already. Amy was actively searching for any man to be a baby daddy for her and Lita was planning a wedding with hopes to have a baby in a couple of years. Now Serena was on the same path, all her best friends and drinking buddies were all leading a different life to what she was and it sucked. She was quite happy with the life she led, she had a boyfriend, and she knew all the hot spots and went out every weekend. She had finished Uni now and had a great paying job, sure it was at the bottom of the career ladder but it was worth climbing and a baby would ruin those chances.

Now another thought was circulating around her head. Serena had never actually said who the father was. When they all had lunch the last time she was here the other girls seemed to already know so she had thought nothing of asking thinking it must have been the guy Matt that she had introduced her to that night months ago; but after Serena's confession to her last night that she had never slept with Matt but had only ever been with one man had Raye thinking. The only other man Serena had ever shown interest in was her cousin Darien.

Darien had been really anti social since she left and he did actually fly to see her after she left. She looked at her reflection in the mirror. "I be thinking I have missed a chunk of this story." She muttered to herself.

She dialed the phone tapping her finger impatiently. "Lita, does Darien know that he is about to become a Daddy?"

"_Serena didn't want anyone up here to know that she was pregnant. She had a falling out with Andrew and didn't want him to know do she didn't want Darien to know as he would tell."_

"That's not what I asked. I asked if he knew that this baby is his."

"_It's not his she told me that much. I honestly think it might be Andrew's."_

"Andrew's gay. He has more of a thing for Darien than for us poor females."

"_Still not proven. We have only been saying that. Plus she is at least 2 months ahead of when she finally got together with Darien. They got together in March she is due in October not December."_

"Ok I concede. Just a thought. Bye." She hung up even more convinced that she was gonna have a new relation.

**--**

Andrew told his tale and waited but Darien hadn't moved since he started so he just stood up and left the room for him to process all of what he said.

Darien listened to Andrew, his face blank and frozen. When Andrew had handed him the diary that had been left on the table he had felt a little guilty that he had lied to his best friend, but Andrew had been lying to him for just as long.

"Wait." Andrew turned not knowing what to expect. "Where did the diary come from?"

"I never could pick the hand writing." He walked into his room. "This is the note that was on top of it." He handed the sliver of paper to Darien.

These days it was illegible and faded and he couldn't place why it was familiar but not.

"Ok thanks. You do know that I don't swing that way?" He asked.

"I do. I just thought you should know the truth."

It was at this moment that the phone rang. Both of them sat watching it not really wanting to answer it.

_You have reached Andrew and Darien can't seem to tear them away from the Xbox leave a message thou I can't garentee that they will call you back_ Lita's voice taunted the caller.

Andrew looked at Darien, "Should probably change that."

They both just laughed. The beep was loud and obnoxious and Raye started to speak. They just ignored her thinking nothing of it until she stated '_I think I know how you can get her home. Cousin if you love her and I mean really love her; call me back._

Darien lunged for the phone, "Talk to me Raye."

'_She will kill me for this, when did you two get together?'_

"Officially or originally?"

'_When was the first time you had sex?'_

"Bout two or three years ago; why?"

'_She's pregnant.'_

Darien dropped the phone and his world spun, "She lied to me."

Andrew heard the entire exchange as the answering machine never turned off and he picked up the phone, "Raye can you come over please? I think you need to explain a few things."

He hung up the phone and unplugged the answering machine. "I will make you a coffee."

Darien sat with his head in his hands. Today was just not his day, everyone was coming at him with the most emotionally charged information and he couldn't help but start crying.

He now had a reason to bring her home, he was going to be a dad, she lied to him about it, Andrew was in love with him, was she ever going to tell him.

There was just something about this birthday that was going to kill him.

**--**

Serena peered at her stomach in the mirror it was growing a lot faster these days. She only had 7 weeks to go before 'bubbles' as she had nicknamed the baby was to come out and grace the world with their presence.

"Bubbles, it's your daddy's birthday today. Maybe I should ring him. What do you think?" she felt the baby react kicking her insides repeatedly, "You reckon I should tell him about you too don't you?" Two more strong kicks.

"Tough I am your mum and I will make that decision, I will send him a card in the morning."

She moved around the house cleaning as she went, this nesting part of pregnancy was really mucking with her messy tendencies, everything was spotless, nothing was out of place, no dust, nothing. Thou this was nothing to the fact that now she couldn't sleep anymore she was always tired but was constantly in and out of bed, either to pee or to clean some more. It was 3 in the morning now and bubbles was thinking it was play time and had not stopped moving in 3 and a half hours.

"Sweetie I wish you would sleep. I know this will only get worse after you come out but seriously I want to go to bed now." She looked up as a she saw lights shining through the blinds, "Who could be pulling up here at this time of the morning?" she peered through the gap in the blinds and her heart stopped as she saw the man that was getting out of the cab.

The door was being pounded, "Serena I know you are awake, you still have the lights on."

She looked around her and then looked down at her attire, bra's were now uncomfortable and most of her pj's didn't fit so she was just wearing a tshirt she had 'borrowed' from Darien last time she had seen him.

"Coming, just let me put on my dressing gown."

There was no escaping this time; it was all coming out now. She slipped on her robe and tied it up quickly while she waddled to the door.

When she unlocked it he pushed on it firmly, "You lied to me Serena."

She looked at him timidly, "Um, happy birthday?"

He pushed past her and walked into the lounge room. "Why?"

Serena locked the door thinking about how she would handle this. Bubbles kicked her once more and then settled as if telling her 'I told you so'. Serena's mind raced. How she was going to get him to understand her reasons without hating her for it.

"I just couldn't ruin your life too."

Darien stared at her slack jawed and in awe. Did she not realize what she had said? "Don't you want to have my baby?"

Serena looked to heavens for support. "I never said that. You are about to finish uni get a great job and take over the world, why should I stand in the way of that plan."

"Because I love you; and I want you to have my baby, whether it be now or in 10 years time or one every year of the next 10."

"You have no idea. You want to be father in name only. 'I am a father' tell all your friends without having to lift a finger. What if I don't love you have you thought about that, what about if I don't want you, what if I think we were better off leaving it as a secret between the two of us for those years it only hurt us and others when it became public. I don't want to be like that again, I don't want to be with you?"

"That's it get it all out. Tell me how you really feel. You don't love me or trust me to be a got father. Fine I will prove how much I will be and can be a great father to our child starting with you moving back."

"No, I have a life here that I have created my own way. I like it, and am not giving it up."

"Your gonna have to when the baby is born."

"No I will work around my baby. I will not let it ruin my life."

"It is our baby and it will upset your life never ruin it. If you won't move now then you will before the baby is due. I want my own doctor to deliver it in my hospital. I want only the best for our child."

"And I can't get it here?" she was now pacing up and down the kitchen desparatly trying to ignore him and his reasoning.

"You will want your mum and your friends."

"I have my aunt and I have made new friends."

"None like those girls and you love your mum too much to ditch her in favor of your aunt you didn't even know her that well until your dad died and you hated him."

"Did not; I just didn't know him."

"You have been trying to convince yourself of that for a couple of weeks now haven't you?"

"Get out Darien, you tell me that you love me and try to decipher how I feel. You have it all wrong and I don't want you here. You say you wont what's best for the baby yet you come here and yell at me getting me all upset and upsetting bubbles."

"Bubbles?"

"Yes Bubbles now leave."

Darien stomped to the couch and sat down. "Spare pillow and blanket? I will sleep on your couch if you don't mind."

"I do."

"Tough, its your couch or your bed. Your choice."

**--**

**I am so sorry for the delay. I have been struck down with a chest infection. So for weeks I have been lying in bed sleeping and feeling sorry for myself and my internet got disconnected (the cable snapped) so I have now gone and got myself wireless thank you vodaphone. **

**I will have another chapter out soon. It was brought to my attention the numerous plot holes that are floating around in this piece of work so I would like for you please give me time to edit and address these inconsistencies while still working on the new chapters I will let you know how it is coming along in my updates.**

**If you can think of anything else that needs my attention just let me know.**

**MM**


	12. A virtual stage it seems to me

**You will only break my heart**

**Mistress Mina**

"Well, I've walked these streets  
In a spectacle of wealth and poverty  
In the diamond markets the scarlet welcome carpet  
That they just rolled out for me

And I've walked these streets  
In the madhouse asylum they can be  
Where a wild-eyed misfit prophet  
On a traffic island stopped and he raved of saving me

Have I been blind have I been lost  
Inside myself and my own mind  
Hypnotized, mesmerized by what my eyes have seen?

Have I been blind have I been wise

To shut my eyes and play along"

Carnival by Natalie Merchant

**--**

The next morning Serena awoke to the smell of bacon frying in her kitchen. The smell was oddly repulsive and alluring. Right now she craved a bacon and chocolate croissant. The thought had her thinking, she nodded after a moments thought, "Yep there a freddos in the cupboard." she murmured to herself. "I have all I need then. Come on bubbles time to face the music."

She left her room looking both ways so as not to encounter him before she had gone to the bathroom and put on some clothes. Sleeping had been getting very difficult as well as constricting. She raced to the bathroom and hurriedly put on her pjs that she had chucked to the floor before bed last night and shuffled out into the hall way still checking if he was around when she made it to the entrance of the kitchen she glanced around the room looking for him.

"Who ya looking for?"

The voice came from behind her and she turned to see him coming out of the nursery. "No one. Just came to see why my house smelt like food; and why; as your here it wasn't in flames?"

"It's been a long couple of months since you left, things change." He waltzed past her and back into the kitchen, "Come on food's getting cold."

"Things change indeed," she muttered as she walked over to pour herself a coffee, and get the freddos out of the cupboard. She with quiet efficiency made her croissant up stealing only a couple of pieces of bacon from the plate he put in front of her; and went to the table to eat.

He watched her as she bit into the chocolate a satisfied smile crept onto her face. That has to be the most disgusting sandwich ever he thought to himself.

She saw his look and held up a freddo, "Want some?"

"Be right thanks."

She shrugged, "More for me then." She was nervous about how to break the almost treaty across the table but she had to let him know or she would be late. "I have a Doctors appointment in an hour."

"We have." he grunted. "Don't think I am just gonna let you go and leave me again."

"Oh flopping bunnies." she sighed he was gonna make it difficult, "Now that you are here I expected you to come."

"Expected hey? So I have to live by your demands?"

She let out a deep breath to calm herself. "Come or don't come up to you. Just letting you know."

"So you will let me know about a Dr's appointment but I wasn't even gonna get to know that I was having a baby."

Serena stood up and walked toward her room, "Have you even considered if I even wanted a baby? If I was gonna keep it or if it was going up for adoption? When I made my decision I would have told you." She was gesturing wildly. He wasn't even gonna give her a chance.

"You're giving it away? Like some lost puppy, like a cat that needs a new home?" He was incredulous.

"I still haven't made up my mind."

He stood and took a step toward her. "That's my baby in there."

She glowered, "And my body it has possessed and used as host. My choice. Either be ready to leave in 35 mins or find yourself a cab to the airport. I have neither time nor patience for your tantrums." Serena stormed into the bathroom, and burst into tears. Pregnancy hormones really didn't help the mix of emotions whirling through her. "It's ok bubbles, we can make it through." she tried to settle herself as well as the baby that gave her a kick to let her know that it didn't like the mood either.

**--**

_"Hey Doc." Serena greeted her good friend as she walked through the door from the waiting room to the office with a warm smile._

_"Hey yourself." Hotaru responded with a grin. "I never ever expected you back in this office again. Not after what happened last time."_

_Serena smirked, "I at least expected that picture to come down." she gestured to the one above the door, "Man it hasn't changed at all."_

_Hotaru smiled expectantly, "Serena sweetie, you never visit me in this office. What's up?"_

_"Can't I just visit a friend to discuss dinner plans?"_

_"You made an appointment to discuss dinner plans?"_

_"Maybe."_

_Hotaru watched her waiting for her to crack. Serena always beat around the bush with big news. "I'm pregnant." Unfortunately this was not the news she expected._

_"Wait what?" Hotaru shook her head, "You're pregnant? And you're happy about this? You swore vehemently that you would not have another."_

_The smile only left her face for a second before it came back. __"I did but I have made peace with my past and I always hated only children."_

_Hotaru couldn't really believe what she was hearing after such a traumatic event Serena swore black and blue that she would never set foot in her office again and she hadn't but now she was here not crying, not screaming, with a large smile on her face waiting for her OBGYN to give her a check up. "Righto, lets see how far along you are this time." she grabbed the conductive gel from the cupboard and started to smear it on Serena's stomach._

_"Doc, also could you just keep this between us for now, I want it to be a surprise for his birthday." Serena asked._

_Hotaru smirked, "When have you ever been able to keep a secret?"_

_"Never which is why I have told you, you're better at it than I am."_

_They__ shared a smile and then watched the screen as Serena's baby appeared on the screen. It was gonna be better this time._

**--**

"Serena?" Hotaru called. Serena and Darien stood to walk into the Dr's office.

Hotaru glanced at the man with a quizzical expression. Serena shrugged in reply and shook her head rolling her eyes skyward.

"I'm here you know." Darien muttered from his seat beside the examination bed.

Hotaru grabbed Serena's hand and squeezed. Just giving her some reassurance before she stared her examination.

As she poked and prodded and felt her way around Serena's abdomen she quickly jotted down some notes before asking her to roll up her shirt and roll down her skirt while getting out the gel. "So still don't want to know?"

Serena nodded, while Darien gaped, "know what?"

"The sex of the baby." Hotaru filled in.

Darien looked in surprise to Serena who in turn was ignoring him. "You don't want to know? But you want to know everything; all the time; there is no secrets from you."

Serena turned slightly. "Sometimes you just want a surprise. Plus the easiest way to keep a secret is to not tell me."

Darien looked at the Doctor, "Can I know?"

"Serena's decision."

Serena didn't look up. "Can you wait until I am out of the room before you tell him, I just want a surprise."

Darien watched her. The busy body that knew all didn't want to know. Hotaru just nodded. "Can do."

They all watched the baby on the screen Hotaru with a critical, trained eye on it looking for any potential problems with both Darien and Serena watched with reverence and awe. Darien quickly blinked the tears that were forming in his eyes away before anyone noticed. He couldn't believe that this creature had come from all of this nor could he believe what Serena had said earlier about giving it away. Between them they had created this and it should be between them to love it.

"Well the baby's head is moving into become engaged so I want you to spend as much time as possible sitting on your ball so that they will not come out in the wrong way but other than that it is very healthy, and strong. My one concern is of course your blood pressure, when I see you next week if it has not gone down to an acceptable level I will be putting you on immediate bed rest so please look after yourself." Hotaru handed her a wet wipe to get the gel off her stomach, "On a completely different note, I have been offered another position in Tokyo so I will be assigning you another Dr after next week."

"What? No. You're my Dr and friend. Why does Tokyo get to keep all of my friends?" Serena was distraught. "That would be right; spring that on me _after _you tell me to keep my blood pressure down."

Hotaru shrugged, "I wanted to stick around for the birth of this little one but I have to go back and be there for my own sister's pregnancy and the hospital gave me a great offer. I'm sorry."

Darien could have whooped for joy, if her OBGYN was moving to Tokyo he had a great reason for Serena to come back home.

Serena got up and waddled to the door. "Whatever I will see you next week? We still on for dinner on Monday?"

Hotaru nodded.

"Great see you then." She just left Darien there so he could find out what he wanted to know.

Hotaru turned expectantly to Darien. "We haven't been introduced. Dr Hotaru Tomoe and you are...?"

"Darien Small the baby's father. your announcement could have come at a better time."

"Huh?"

"I want her to move back to Tokyo with me."

"Oh." Hotaru nodded. "Well you're having a baby boy, congratulations."

"A boy wow." he smirked. "My son is in Serena."

Serena stood at the door listening and all she could thin of was that dream she had all those months ago of their some putting something in a fish tank, their happy family unit. "Maybe dreams do come true."

**--**

**Chapter **

**I do apologise for the hold up but the computer repair people are holding my darling laptop hostage while they wait for parts so all this was typed up on my sister's computer while she is away and can't snarl for me using it, the cranky CRANKY girl. but hopefully I shall have it returned to me in the next 2 weeks so until I get it back I am not sure when I can post again. **

**Love ya heaps**

**MM**


	13. When I kiss you thats the real me

You will only break my heart

**You will only break my heart**

**Mistress Mina**

"Feeling better since I surrendered

Can't climb till your ready to fall?

You're not a land mine you're not a gold mine

No you're not mine at all

So tell me baby can you hear me

I sent a message out into the dark

It's a mystery when you're near me

I've got find a way into your heart

I've learned my lesson

First impressions, more often right than wrong

It's not a slow dance

This modern romance

Feels like we have already waited too long

Don't worry baby bout how it should be

I sent a message out into the dark

I'd rather talk to you bout how it could be

I've got to find a way to your heart"

Into the Dark by Ben Lee

**--**

Serena was sulking, she was still wounded from when her childhood doctor had retired when she was 14 and entering that stage in everyone's life where they develop a closer relationship with their physician; and now another one she had grown to trust and call friend was leaving to go her home town, of all places; so she wasn't really focused on what Darien was saying.

"Its gonna take quite a few boxes to move everything, I think we should get a removalist."

"Why are we hiring a removalist?" she asked forcing herself back into the conversation.

"To move you back home of course."

She snickered, "Not happening, fought too long to be here." She grabbed an apple out of the fridge and sliced it up.

He looked at her disbelieving, "You didn't go to a doctor for 2 years after your other doctor retired and you only went then because you thought you had broken your ankle."

She pulled the chocolate topping from the cupboard and smeared it on the apple. "Dobbed yourself in now, I still haven't forgiven you for sticking your foot out."

"You shouldn't have been leaping off the tables."

She went to reply but stopped and placed her hand on her stomach. "Calm down bubbles." She whispered.

Darien flinched, "Are you ok?"

"Fine," she grimaced still receiving a beating, "Bubbles is just adding their 2 cents worth."

He held his hand out hesitantly, "Can I?"

She grabbed and placed it on the clear outline of a foot, and watched his face light up when a big kick reached his senses. "Daddy's little soccer star," he beamed, and then a flick of confusion crossed his face, "Bubbles?"

Serena smiled, "I couldn't exactly call it 'it' now could I?"

"What names have you picked out?"

She bit into her apple and thought for a moment, "To be honest I hadn't really thought past the fact that I am pregnant."

"You really wouldn't give it away would you?"

Serena sighed, "I don't know if I can be a mum? I mean I can pull off aunty to Honour but I can't see myself with my own. I like my space, privacy and freedom. I am too selfish to be a mum."

"Sere," He started but she stopped him.

"Look at me, too busy thinking about myself to even bother considering other peoples feelings. I relentlessly pursued you then when you wanted more I felt trapped and I ran away. You came after me and I had just found out I was pregnant but I lied to you. I hate liars and lying yet I still did it thinking I was protecting you but really I was protecting me. I trampled my best friend trying to what I thought I wanted. Me, me, me that is all I think about, I just hurt other people." She hastily wiped away her tears, "Stupid pregnancy, can't have any conversation without crying." She ranted before throwing her apple on the bench and attempting to leave the room before she thought about it and picked it back up, "I want that." She whispered and walked away.

He stopped her and pulled her into a tight hug. "Come home. Do you honestly think I am ready to be a dad? Come on I still play computer games and I still have a couple of months before I finish studying but I want to at least be given the opportunity to try. Together we can work it out."

"But I don't think I love you that way." Came the muffled reply.

"Baby first, we can focus on us later. Come home to your family and friends we all miss you."

"I will look like I failed."

"Did you fail?"

She hiccupped, "Yes; I let you talk me into it." They shared a smile. "I can't go straight away; I have work and this thing with the attorney…"

"When do you start maternity leave?"

"3 weeks."

"We will move you home then and the attorney can still contact you by phone."

"But I have a home here, and the baby is due in 6 weeks." She looked around her, thinking about how long it took her to set up the nursery.

Darien didn't even think. "Move in with me."

She blinked a couple times while an image of Andrew holding the knife came back to threw her mind. "No I can't," her maternal instincts where telling her not to trust him. "I will go to mums until I find a place. I got into this I will find my own solution."

"We got into this, our solution and our place."

"You can't just abandon Andrew." The thought of what Andrew would do when Darien just packed and left made her shudder.

He misread her shudder for cold and pulled her closer, "He's a big boy now and Emma has wanted to move in to take Lita's place in the house anyway."

"Andrew hates Emma."

Darien shrugged, "They have become good friends since you left. You have been gone for 6 months now and people change."

Serena was unconvinced though she nodded, "Yes I suppose they do."

**--**

After Emma had found out about Andrew's history of drug dependency and mental illness from Serena's diary, she had realised how she would be able to get her revenge on Serena for stealing Darien, Darien for using her and Andrew for being so incredibly nasty to her these past couple of years, while at the same time getting away Scott free.

"So he is with her now is he?" Emma asked as she past the smoke to Andrew.

"Yeah she's pregnant and didn't tell him." He took a deep breath and grinned, "I expect he will go in all guns blazing, drag her back here by her pig tails."

"Guess she will be getting that room then?"

No one would ever suspect she was the one that had been lacing his milk with cocaine; she had always kept her own drug habit a secret.

The levels she maintained in his milk were enough to ease him into a dependency but not enough to have him get high. She had already noticed a difference in his mind set and the results were promising. None of them would realise what she had planned until they were all caught in her web.

Andrew smirked, "Not if she knows what is good for her. She lied to me and snuck around _behind_ my back in _my_ house; if I can't trust her she shouldn't trust me but you do know what they say?"

"Keep your friends close and your enemies' closer…" Emma supplied.

"Close but they say 'you have to be 100 behind someone before you can stab them in the back' and of course my personal favourite 'revenge is a dish best served cold.' She won't even see it coming."

They shared a giggle. Thou these two were after the same man the saying the enemy of my enemy is my friend was true in this case and Emma had used this reasoning to create a bond over their loss of Darien to the blonde.

She smiled and settled herself back into the couch to watch the anime that Andrew liked as much as she hated it but he had said himself, "You have to be 100 behind someone to stab them in the back."

**--**

_Serena walked into the prison a little hesitantly, it had had taken her 12 years to work up the courage for this visit and she wasn't gonna chicken out now that she had something else for do this for._

_The first guard ignored her but the second gave her a smile. "It's alright love; are you seeing your man today?"_

_She shook her head, "The one that killed my soul."_

_His smile broke and he watched her carefully. "Sure you are ok? Don't you have someone with you?"_

_She shook her head again, "I won't let myself be scared again." She raised her eyes to meet his, "I am a big girl tie my own shoes and everything; but thanks." _

_He waited for the gate to beep and let her into the visitors' area, "Good day miss."_

**--**

_Hotaru, Raye, Mina, Ami and Lita sat around Hotaru's lounge room, each lost in their own world while watching the clock. Each knew that Serena would need support today but when she had waved off their concern and turned off her phone they had gathered to wait for her._

_Ami smirked, "5 years ago today I officially became her shrink."_

_Hotaru looked up, "You've been her shrink for longer than that thou."_

"_Fine she finally started paying me for my services then."_

_Mina twirled her spoon between her fingers, "Can you believe we have been friends for over 20 years now?"_

"_Only 13 for me," Hotaru whispered._

"_But I married your step brother so you gain years that way; you were just a friend we hadn't met yet." Raye patted her knee. "Family."_

_Lita got up to check the biscuits in the oven, scoffing at the carpet. "I can't believe you got purple carpet." As much as it complemented the furnishing it was not a colour Lita would have been able to live with._

"_Serena always spills things whenever Mal and I have her over, so up came the cream carpet and we got this instead. I like it."_

"_What was the latest stain?" Mina asked._

"_Red wine, spaghetti sauce and I do believe she also spilt the chocolate pudding that night."_

"_She does have her blonde moments doesn't she?" Mina sighed._

_Raye almost choked on her coffee "Says the one that that we saw pat and kiss her new fridge goodbye last week. You are just a blonde as her."_

_Mina huffed and pouted until Ami reached over and patted her knee, "We still love you."_

"_Want to hope so," she grumbled while smiling then asked, "Can we try her again now?" _

_Four mobiles came out of pockets and handbags, all dialling quickly trying to get through to their friend._

**--**

**Chapter 13**

**Thanks for all the reviews and flames. I need a beta so if you want the job please send me an email, ****. (put beta in subject line)**

**I would like to dedicate this chapter to The Lady Amethyst as I still have not received my laptop back yet and the angel that I call my dear friend has leant me her old one so that is why you are getting an update so soon. **

**So people please I do suggest reading Amee's story Jennifer as it is really good, she is much better than me. **

**I think that is the last of the flash forwards for the next couple of chapters and I think this baby will be put to bed by about 20 chapters so we are in the home stretch. **

**More soon**

**MM**


	14. Way Back Home

You Will Only Break My Heart

**You Will Only Break My Heart**

**Mistress Mina**

**--**

Somewhere in the country  
There's a place  
Where nobody knows your name

When I'm feeling lonely there's a train  
That helps me run away

I know my mother She always told me  
The road would get cold  
I never listened  
Always forgettin'  
The way back home

Somewhere in the city  
There's a face  
That makes it hard to stay

He never listened to me  
When I'd say  
That things would never change

I know my mother She always told me  
The road would get cold  
I never listened  
Always forgettin'  
The way back home  
"Way back home" by The Wreckers

**--**

Darien wandered in the door of the home her currently shared with Andrew and grimaced slightly, it smelt of burnt toast and feet and Emma was sprawled out on the couch. Not exactly the image he wanted.

He pushed open the door to his bedroom and found Andrew asleep on his bed. "I told you that this had to stop." He dropped his bag on top of Andrew's body.

"You smell nice and it makes your bed smell nice. I missed you."

Darien rolled his eyes. "I told you before I left, this has to stop. No more sharing the bed, no more touching me, no more experimenting, and most importantly, No More I Love You." He sighed.

Andrew rolled over and made space for him on the bed, "So the brat is yours. She's pregnant and you're gonna ditch me?"

"We were never together. It was just something that happened. It's over and that's it."

"Whatever. She is gonna find out you know and then what are you gonna say?"

Darien turned his eyes flashing, "She will not find out. It was a mistake, not for me. I am moving out. We are going to be a family."

"No I am your family. I have always been there for you and always will be." Andrew tried to slide over to rub Darien's shoulders.

"You manipulated me into thinking that so you could get in my pants. I have family; and I am about to add another. I will not have my son grow up to be as confused as I was." He kicked the pile of clothes that was beside his bed. "I have to go see my sister."

He left the room with a fuming Andrew and went to see his sister Susan and call Raye to organise Serena and his son's homecoming.

**--**

Serena told Darien not to pick her up from the airport as she was quite capable of getting one of the girls to get her and it would give her a chance to catch up with them after her absence.

Ami had just started studying psychology and had a class. Lita still hadn't got her licence, Mina would just claim Honour was sick and take a day off and Raye the smart ass had got a cushy job with the government and could get flex time so it was really a choice as to who she needed to talk to first.

Jiggle pulled up in front of her and Raye stepped out to put her bags in the boot, but looked at her, "Whoa, you're massive."

"And feeling the love…" Serena sighed.

"I'm sorry but really you sure that's not triplets."

"Kill your cousin if it was."

"Are you angry I told?"

"Are you angry I didn't?"

They both sighed and they put the suitcases in the car. "I did what I thought was right."

They shared a smile and Raye gave her a hug, "As did I."

The trip home from the airport was mostly silent until Raye patted her stomach, "So is my new family member a boy or girl?"

"Ask Darien, I didn't want to know."

Raye's brow crinkled in confusion, "You do know though?"

She shrugged, "I listened at the door when the doctor told him."

"So?"

"Boy but officially you have to ask him."

"Unofficially congratulations then." They smiled, "So…?" Raye paused but Serena knew what she was asking.

"No, we are not together. So how are Lita's wedding plans?"

They discussed the plans in detail until they neared Serena's mother's home when she yelped. "My mum is gonna kill me."

Raye started nearly swerving into oncoming traffic. "What?"

"She always told me if I ever moved out there is no going back. She won't let me back in the house."

Raye was shocked, "You didn't tell her you were coming home."

"Not so much." She cringed.

Raye nodded, "She is gonna kill you." She patted Serena's knee. "Nice knowing ya. I thought my mum is crazy."

Serena looked at her, her eyebrow quirked, "Oh she is, don't worry. I want 'Learnt her lesson' on tombstone."

They shared a laugh to dissipate the tension. They pulled up in the driveway of Serena's mum's home behind a removalist truck.

They were loading all the furniture and belonging that Serena had left behind.

"Man, Can I stay with you?" She asked Raye, "She is getting rid of my stuff."

"Tough, you can sleep on the street. You are a horrible room mate."

Serena deadpanned, "Why are we actually friends."

Raye shook her head, "Get out of my car and talk to your mum." She smirked and got out of the car. "Got her Celeste."

Serena looked to her mother and back to Raye, "Got who? Me? Huh?"

Celeste came over and hugged her daughter. "Your home, my baby is home."

Serena shrugged her off awkwardly. "Yeah mum, why are you moving out my stuff?"

Celeste ushered her into the house but called over her shoulder to Raye, "Meet you there in 20."

**--**

Serena looked around the house that Darien and the girls had declared was her new home. A quaint 3 bedroom home with enough space Darien to move in, as was his plan, though it had a large enough backyard.

Lita was in the kitchen arranging everything to her specification; Amy was cleaning the bathroom and dining room, placing a vase of flowers on the table; Mina was putting baby clothes away in the nursery and Darien was moving Serena's belonging in from the truck, into her new room.

It was official to Serena; she really did have the best friends that anyone could ever wish for. She just wished that Molly and Hotaru could have met them, they would have all got on like a house on fire.

"It's perfect." She breathed and smiled at all gathered.

Darien walked out of her room with her keys. "Yep and you have a doctors appointment."

Serena shook her head, "Ain't gonna go to another doctor."

Darien smiled, "I can ring her and she can tell you off for missing an appointment."

Serena smiled, "You got me my doctor."

Darien threw the keys to Raye, "Lock up when you leave. Come on or we will be late."

**--**

**I am so sorry for taking so long. I had written some of it when I hit a mind block I could finally finish it when I figured out what song I wanted for this chapter. **

**But on the upside, instead of fixing my computer they just gave me a new one.**


	15. Like I'm walking on broken glass

You Will Only Break My Heart

**You Will Only Break My Heart**

**Mistress Mina**

"You make me feel out of my element  
Like I'm drifting out to the sea  
Like the tide's pullin' me in deeper  
Makin' it harder to breathe  
We cannot deny  
How we feel inside  
We cannot deny

Were you right  
Was I wrong  
Were you weak  
Was I strong  
Yeah, both of us broken  
Caught in a moment  
We lived  
And we loved  
And we hurt  
And we joked  
Yeah  
But the planets all aligned  
When you looked into my eyes  
And just like that  
The chemicals react, the chemicals react"

Chemicals React by Aly and Aj

**--**

Serena had invited Hotaru over for a coffee later that week with the sole purpose of being able to talk privately with her as Darien had taken upon himself to accompany her to all appointments here on in.

"Tim Tam?" she asked, Hotaru took one and bit into it.

"Better than sex," she mumbled.

Serena sighed; this was the exact segue she needed. "Doc that's what I was hoping to be able to talk to you about that. Am I meant to be this, um." She bit her lip thinking of the work to describe what she felt.

"Horny," Hotaru supplied.

Serena nodded, "Yes that's exactly it."

"Yeah, it's the hormones and it helps the baby come out easier it stretches and pumps blood to the area."

"Damn."

Hotaru looked at her. "Aren't you getting any?" Serena shook her head, "_Anything_ at all? Not even by yourself?"

She shook her head again, "Doesn't help."

"What about Darien?"

"What about him?"

"He could help you out." Hotaru raised her eyebrows suggestively. "If not I could."

Serena laughed. "Doesn't that breach doctor patient privileges?"

"Only slightly but I am here as friend not doctor, I hope."

"Yes, yes of course, you are, but that's not what I meant." Serena shook her head and bowed it in slight embarrassment. She knew what she was thinking but trying to put it to words it got muddled up. "It's like an itch you can't scratch not because you can't reach it but because it will become a sore and gets infected."

"Great analogy." Hotaru munched on her biscuit, deep in thought. "What about a reciprocal arrangement."

"You scratch my back?" She asked taking a swig of her coffee.

"Exactly. There must be something he wants in return."

Serena shook her head, "Nothing I can give."

Hotaru nodded soberly, "Well I can take you vibrator shopping."

**--**

Darien listened from the bedroom he was currently hiding in. He knew that Serena thought he was studying, well he was it was just in place where he could keep an eye on her, she was due so soon.

Listening to their conversation was giving him ideas, they had always reacted to the others touch and she needed her itch to be scratched then it was only right that he be the one to do it. It wouldn't take long before she would remember what chemistry they had.

**--**

Serena was doing the dishes that night thinking about the conversation with Hotaru. She was really, really antsy and she knew that all she had to do was ask but did she really want to go there.

There was no doubt in her mind that he cared for her but did she really care for him. The answer was obvious in her mind now, after all that she had seen him do and fight to bring her home, it was like a big glaring neon sign. She loved him, loved what he was doing for her and their unborn son, loved the feeling of security when he gave her a hug or a squeeze on the shoulder, the fuzzy feeling that enveloped her when he talked to her stomach before bed each night or when she got up in the middle of the night due to being uncomfortable only to find him up ready with a cup of tea and a movie for them to watch on the couch.

Maybe it would be worth the chance, taking a leap of faith, stopping the fear from controlling her. A thought hit her and it stopped her, he hadn't said anything about them as a couple since he had convinced her to come home, maybe he had changed his mind, as she had changed hers.

She was so lost in thought that she didn't register him behind her until she felt his arms wrap around her middle and that fuzzy feeling engulfed her again.

"Hey honey, you want me to help you finish?" he asked taking the dish cloth from her hands and gently wiping over the dish she still held.

She watched the cloth make gentle circles on the ceramic and was lost in the thought of him doing that to other parts of her body, before groaning at the thought. '_Stop it.'_ She berated herself.

"What sorry?" she asked still watching is hand on the plate before realising it wasn't just the plate he was rubbing and his other hand was making a similar motion on her hip.

"Do you want me to help you finish?" His breath was tickling the back of her neck and turning her on even more.

"Dear god yes," she mumbled before dropping the dish back into the water and leaning back into him. She could feel him against her back and she startled herself, "It would be great if you could finish the dishes." She ducked out from under his arms and leant up to kiss his cheek, "Thanks."

Darien nodded; black hair sliding across his eyes, and Serena fought the urge to push it aside.

"I'm going to bed. Goodnight."

He stopped her with a hand to her wrist, she paused; waiting for him to say what was on his mind but instead he kissed her gently hoping that she wouldn't hurt him for it. He pulled away, "Goodnight Serena, sweet dreams."

Her blue eyes had closed in response to his breath on her lips and now they opened, shock and disappointment shinning in their colour.

"Um, Darien…" she paused unsure of how to continue. Honesty had always worked for her so she just spat it out, "Love you." And she bolted not sure if she was ready for the consequences.

Darien just smiled, let the water out of the sink and followed her into her room turning out all the lights on his way. She was sitting on the end of the bed brushing her blonde hair, pulling all the loose bits out, "I'm moulting." She moaned at the growing pile at her feet, but she raised her eyes as he came in and shut the door behind him.

"Love you more." He spoke before kissing her again only with all the passion he felt.

**--**

She had curled up in a ball in her sleep and was groaning softly, Darien kissed her shoulder and pulled her into his embrace. His knee touched the moisture in the bed and he knew the reason of her discomfort.

"Serena baby, wake up, Serena." She groaned again and tossed again. "Serena wake up the baby is coming."

**--**

**Sorry that chapter was so short. My two days off turned into marathon babysitting and it has taught me that everything my mother told me about kids is true, two is easier than one, two is easier than three and four or more is pure madness. Don't get me wrong love those kids like they were my own but I am glad they are not. **

**I got back from Melbourne the other day and realised that I was so overdue with this that I was incredibly disappointed in myself. Hope to have a new chapter up soon and a one shot I wrote to get over my mental blank, and with the new chapter brings the baby a relationship and a renewal of friendship. **

**If you like it or hate it or just want to tell me to add something or take something out you know where the purple button is…**

**Love Heaps**

**MM**


	16. A helpless victim of a spider's web

**You Will Only Break My Heart**

**Mistress Mina**

"I have done you so wrong  
Treated you bad  
Strung you along  
Oh, shame on myself  
I don't know how I got so tangled up  
Cause I fear

There is nothing left to say  
To you  
That you wanna hear  
That you wanna know  
I think I should go  
The things I've done are way too shameful"

Tangled by Maroon 5

**______------______------______**

The satin material did her no favours as she tried to jiggle the whining child snuggling into her chest. It was clinging to her and as she was yet to lose the baby belly and excess fluid, all she felt was uncomfortable but this was Lita's day and she was gonna suck it up and get on with it, now all she had to do was find Darien and hand him his child and help the bride.

"Daddy is here somewhere little man just hold on for a second bubbles." She whispered. She spied him across the room talking to Emma and raced across to, ungraceful as it sounds dump baby Chad on him.

"Hey Emma," Serena smiled hurriedly and flung the nappy bag over Darien's shoulder and baby in his arms.

"Serena," she grimaced, "Guess after a baby all of you goes south, hey." She patted her on the shoulder, "Satin never looked well on you though."

Serena ignored that comment and poked her own barb, "When you _**have**_ friends, you do these kinds of things for them. Plus not all of us can look _**that**_ tacky in couture."

They eyed each other up and Serena felt Darien's hand on her back, "You're late."

**_­_____------______------______**

Emma watched the bride as she glided up the isle in a white slip dress, not a frill or layer in sight. She cringed, when she married Darien; she had it all planned in her head, a tight bodice before flowing out into a large fluffy full skirt.

There would be white roses everywhere instead of the tacky pink ones Lita had in her bouquet. It would be in a big church instead of the bush chapel where they were currently. She wanted class and Ritz instead of a cheap low class wedding. She looked toward her intended and frowned at the look he was giving the child in his arms; it was peaceful and full of love. If only that skank Serena had never decided to trap him in this loveless relationship then he would have realised his true love was right in front of him in her, Emma. She was the one that really loved him and respected him and would never try to trap him by having a baby (it would ruin her figure).

Now that she had Andrew under her control, all she had to do was get rid of Serena and the child and he would realise the truth.

She smiled to herself an idea forming in her mind. Maybe she could kill two birds with one stone.

**______------______------______**

The vows and rings were exchanged and the grin could not be wiped from Lita's face. She cornered her friends and hugged them all, "I really wish you could all feel as happy as I am." She bounced slightly, "I feel like I could burst. I really love him so much."

Mina smiled, "I know." She nodded over to Lita's new husband where he was giving a similar grin to his mates. "Just give them time to find their soul mates too."

Serena held a small sad but almost hopeful smile on her face. "Yes, time." Her smile changed and grew brighter, "You just found him first."

Ami laughed out loud, "I was gonna wait but I want to tell you all at once," she tried to cover her excitement but it came out no more different than her everyday soft voice, "I met someone."

They all jumped around giggling, happy and excited for Ami, as she spilled a few details of her closely guarded love.

Serena excused herself, and went to take a breather. Ever since she had been released form the hospital after the birth of her son, she had barely taken 2 consecutive minutes to herself with the wedding, Darien and the baby all constantly demanding her attention. She had never anticipated it to be this hard, everyone always said baby's were easy; maybe it was just to sucker people into having kids, big bunch of liars that they be.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and was almost too scared to look thinking it was Darien holding Chad out but it wasn't it was just Mina to give her a hug, "It's gonna be ok, sweetie."

Serena shook her head, tears forming in her eyes, "I didn't realise how much I admire you and now. How do you do it?"

Mina nodded solemnly, "A spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down. I didn't tell you that for the first 6 months after Honor was born I was heavily medicated."

Serena was shocked. "Huh? Why?"

"I couldn't cope. I was so depressed. It wasn't because of the caesarean stitches that I didn't leave the house. I was too stressed and all I would do was cry." Mina reached for Serena's hand and they offered each other moral support for a few moments. "I am here if you need anything, even just a babysitter to go get a manicure or a friend for a movie day."

Serena nodded, "Thanks, I am ok now."

Mina grinned, "Great, your gonna need to be, Lita needs us for photos."

**______------______------______**

Andrew was talking to Darien when Serena went to feed Chad later that afternoon. She hadn't really seen or spoken to him since she had left for her father's funeral nearly ten months prior. She smiled in greeting but she really had no idea how to talk to him about what had occurred between them. It was sad really as she missed her best friend but she still was smarting over his taunts and confession.

As much as she wanted to trust him and fix their friendship he called her a slut and threatened her and with the crazy baby hormones coursing through her body had made her take extra precautions around her son and was still hesitant to let many people around him; and a threat on her life was a threat on his, even if it was explained by a previous drug habit.

She pulled her child from Darien and held him close to her chest. There was something different in Andrew's eye that sparked when she did this and she picked up on it immediately. His eyes were no longer the bright blue they used to be and were now bloodshot and paler. It was not the same pair that laughed with her over movies. They were now regarding her with suspicion and mistrust.

"Nice to see you Sere," He nodded to her arms, "He's cute."

"Very," she pulled him tighter, "Excuse me but I need to feed him."

They both nodded and Dairen handed her the nappy bag, "I'll grab you some food and meet you at the table in 20."

Serena strode away only just acknowledging Darien's statement.

Andrew watched Darien and how he was interacting with both the child and mother. Jealousy coursing through his veins; all this time he had still held onto this hope that Darien would leave her and come home to him.

He knew that he wouldn't give up hope and he still had to chance to worm his way back into his life, eventually he would become dependant on him again.

Eventually.

**______------______------______**

_He waited for her at home. She had always taken off on this date every year but this time he wanted to make it a happy occasion, Raye had tried to help him plan and organise this and she ad even told him not to give up _when_ she said no. _

_He did not understand the when. Why would she say no? They had been together for many years now and thou all of her friends were married and had kids; Serena had never pressured him for that kind of life. It took almost five years before she had even agreed to move in together and yes she still kept her old apartment it was now a rental._

_No, he would not give up the time was right and he could feel change in the air. Now was the time to make Serena his bride and help her to get over what ever it was in her past that had made her this cynical._

**______------______------______**

Darien met her at the table; the large plate of food in his hand he placed in front of her. "How is he?"

Serena pointed to the pram about 2 feet away. "Asleep." She took a bite out of her bread roll, "Man I needed that, I am starving."

Darien watched her eat, not really surprised anymore at how much she could eat. He leant in to kiss her ear, "We should do this you know."

She looked up trying to decipher his meaning, "I am not having sex with you at Lita's wedding; besides it is only 2 weeks till Christmas, we can wait till then."

He shook his head, "No, marry me. It will be better for Chad growing up."

"No. Now is not the time to discuss this." She returned her focus to her food.

To her this felt like more pressure to be the perfect mum and create the perfect family. She didn't want to marry him only for Chad's sake; she wanted to marry for love and love only, not because _they_ believe that to have a child you had to be married.

Darien; on the other hand was trying to decide if this was a rejection or a delay and if he was happy about it or disappointed. A small squeak was heard from the pram and he lifted his eyes to meet her tired gaze. "Let me, you need to eat."

He was rewarded with a small smile and an even smaller mouthed thankyou.

Only time would tell how this was gonna work out.

**______------______------______**


	17. Close your eyes, Go to Dream

**You Will Only Break My Heart**

**Mistress Mina**

"Your smiles  
well they make my day  
you don't know it yet  
but your everything  
this little song  
well it's for you  
these lovely years  
here with you

And you....you make me run  
and you...you make me want to love

For you"

You by Fisher

­**______------______------______**

Emma sat playing cards in the office of the apartment she now shared with Andrew, "Hey, what do you want for dinner," she called to the shut bedroom door.

No response was immediately heard but she expected that, she had been slowly increasing the amount of cocaine that was being mixed into his milk each week and she had also noticed that he was drinking more coffee as a result.

A few minutes had past but he still had not responded so she left it and made herself a salad. Walking out into the lounge she found him past out on the couch, half a coffee she clutched in his hand, though it as was looking less like coffee and more like white water with a tan.

She checked that he was breathing and turned on a movie, he was now so dependant it was time to take it away and turn him loose. She thought about it for a minute was it better to wait until Christmas was over or not, they had a big BBQ on Boxing Day to celebrate and another on New Years Eve if she gave him time then maybe after Christmas he would realise that that fake family was not what he wanted, and he would come back to her then she could just use Andrew and his needs to get rid of the others and she would be guilt free.

She smiled ideas whizzing around her head giving her a nice satisfied feeling.

­­**______------______------______**

Darien had been shopping for 3 solid hours trying to find something for Serena for Christmas. Everything he looked at had not even come close to what he had in mind yet what was in his mind was either a fantasy or a delusion.

His mind had been playing tricks on him for a couple of weeks now, either letting him believe that all his dreams had come true with a partner and child or it was a never ending nightmare and instead of a happy family he had found his hell.

Serena was beautiful, blonde and when she looked at him with that glint in her eye then he couldn't imagine life with out her but those glints had been fewer since she had found out she was pregnant and even less since the birth of Chad. Chad on the other hand was his son and life was good when he thought about him. Just this thought had brought a small smile to his face and the sales lady pounced on him, "For the girlfriend?"

Darien looked around and realised he had managed to be in the jewellery store in front of the engagement rings. He was trying to extricate himself when he noticed exactly what she thought he was looking at and did a double take. "Yes." He pointed to the solitaire, "That one."

She pulled it out babbling about what a good choice it was but he didn't hear, it was just simple gold band with raised a 2ct solitaire. He could picture it on her hand; it would suit her well simple, gorgeous and perfect; just like her.

Maybe he just needed to ignore the negative voices in his head and go with this ring. He paid for it and headed for home. This Christmas would be one to remember.

**______------______------______**

It was still dark when Serena woke up on Christmas morning to a soft cry in the next room, it was still dark outside but with the snow thick on the window sill it would dark for a good couple of hours yet. She groaned when she saw the flashing red numbers on the bedside clock. 3 am. Not the earliest he could wake up but not much better than the days of old when Darien used to wake her up for a kiss before he had to go to work.

That thought had startled her, she hadn't thought about those days for a while and they brought a smile to her face. Today was the day she had promised Darien the renewal of their physical relationship and she felt ready.

Her thoughts had been rather sour toward the whole thing for a while but now just remembering some of the sweet moments they had stolen what felt like a lifetime ago made her ache with anticipation. She turned and smiled at his unconscious form, he was sprawled out on the bed, one arm and his head hanging over the edge, the barest hint of stubble on his cheek, hair tousled and what appeared to be a small smile on his lips. She wanted to kiss those lips but with the cries becoming more pronounced she tore herself away to settle her son as quick as possible, eager to wake her sleeping beauty the way her used to do to her.

Another site struck her as she walked into the nursery, how small and fragile this child was; it was a simple beauty that hadn't quite sunk into until this moment. When he was born there was a pure and simple love and protectiveness that oozed out of every pore but right now in this second all she could think about was the beauty in that small face, so soft and warm, not even 3 months old; the dark thatch of hair covering his tiny head so like the shade she had left in her bed, the bright blue eyes more like her own with the soft pink lips that were curled up in a cry.

"Hey my baby boy, mummy's here." She picked him up and held him close; the love almost overwhelmed her. It was as if she seeing and holding him for the first time, it was completely different to how she had been feeling for the last couple of weeks, Mina was right, post natal was hard but the moment you felt better you would know.

She placed him on the change table, humming the lullaby her parents had sung to her, and Chad seemed to recognise the change in her for he quieted immediately and gurgled along with her, with the nappy changed and a bottle heated and being drunk she rocked him the rocking chair, still overwhelmed by him.

"You know what baby?" she whispered to him as his eyes closed, "I love you and I love your daddy. I am going to make up for the horrible way I have been acting, I promise." She stood and placed him in the cot, just watching to see if he would stir, smiling contently to herself.

Two warm bare arms wrapped around her from behind and she sunk into the embrace, "You weren't horrible."

She sighed, "I wish you wouldn't lie to me, I was a bitch. I left without a word; I only came back because you dragged me, kicking and screaming I might add. I am horrible, selfish and I don't deserve you."

The arms loosened and Serena mourned the loss, afraid to look at him; her fear of rejection burning. He turned her around to face him and lifted her chin to meet his gaze. "Don't care, it's the past." He tipped his lips to meet hers and for the fist time in a year they met without anything else between them but heat and passion, no arguments, no jealousy, no fear of being caught; just the need to be together.

He brushed her blonde hair off her face and she leant into his hand, kissing the air beside it. "Sorry Darien; for everything." Her eyes turned and glanced at the figure in the cot, "I ruined everything."

He shook her shoulders slightly, "I don't regret it, and you didn't ruin anything. He was always part of our future; a little earlier than we anticipated. I love you both." He got down on his knees in front of her and placed a light kiss on her belly. Their hands were now intertwined, "Will you marry me Serena?"

He felt her fingers loosen then tighten, he watched her face; a smile forming and a slight blush colouring her cheeks. "I don't deserve you." She knelt down beside him. "Are you sure?"

"Not really, I am asking for the good of my health." He smirked and she retaliated with a kiss.

"Well you need to be healthy."

**______------______------______**


	18. Here's a hand to hold on to

You Will Only Break My Heart

Mistress Mina

"Underneath the moon

Underneath the stars

Here's a little heart for you

Up above the world

Up above it all

Here's a hand to hold on too

But if I should break

If I should fall awake

What am I to do?

I need someone to take

A little of the weight

Or I'll fall through

You're just the one that I've been waiting for

I'll give you all I have to give and more

But don't let me fall"

"Don't Let Me Fall by Lenka

**______------______------______**

Boxing Day rolled around to a clear, crisp morning. After spending Christmas in relative solitude, Serena and Darien were ready to share their news with all their friends.

Serena still buzzing from a perfect day yesterday was bouncing off the walls tidying up wrapping paper that Darien insisted could wait, plus Chad had enjoyed tearing and scrunching up the paper before sucking on it. Though they realised this would be what he would be doing it still caused them no end of amusement.

The ring that Darien had brought was a perfect fit but with her body still shedding fluid, it may need to be resized in the future, thoughts like this were few and far between before they fled their happy-giddy minds.

Neither realised nor wanted to realise that some people wouldn't be as enthusiastic about this as they were themselves. For the whole of Christmas Day neither had entertained a single idea that this wasn't exactly where they were meant to be. Every negative thought, argument and unpleasant discussion was forgotten and they lived up to their potential as both parent and partner.

Most of the morning was spent preparing the food they were taking to Raye's for lunch, either kissing like horny teens or cracking jokes and laughing like carefree children. Chad seemed to pick up on the change between his parents and gurgled along with them; the most placid he had been since his birth.

They got themselves in the car and were ready to leave when Serena turned abruptly to Darien. "Can we tell them later?"

"Darien slid the car in to neutral again and looked at her. "Are you embarrassed to marry me?"

She shook her head dispelling the notion. "Never! I just want to tell my mother first. Please?" She was silently begging him to agree with her, hoping he would take her excuse at face value and not question it as she was still not sure how to tell Darien that she just didn't want Andrew to know as this whole thing was still new and he still scared the crap out of her.

He nodded, "We can see her on the way over if you like?"

"No." she said a little too quickly. "We'll have her over for dinner new years before the party." He cocked an eyebrow at her and she shrugged, "They are away for Christmas."

Darien didn't question her thou he was sure they only went away until late Christmas day. It was her mother she was bound to know if the plans had changed.

"Okay, we tell them all on New Years." His tone left no room for argument, and Serena breathed a sigh of relief, she could think of something in the next few days.

As they pulled up at Raye's complex Serena slipped the ring on her necklace and smiled at Darien.

"Love you." She mouthed reaching over to his hand and gave it a squeeze. His smile was tight and she squeezed his hand again. "Do you want to get married next month?"

"*-*" He was shocked. He had been thinking that she didn't want to go thru with it but she was pushing for it to be in a couple of weeks.

She smiled, "It only takes 29 days to file for the licence; the sooner the better hey?"

Darien turned off the car. "Why?"

Serena smirked, "Why not."

He felt the pressure, but still felt himself nod. "29 days it is."

**______------______------______**

Emma watched them arrive, the happy family. It was far from the picture in her head but there was always room to manoeuvre. She noticed the diamond on the necklace immediately but when Serena met her eyes, it was tucked away quickly under her jumper.

"Hey, how was your Christmas?" she pointedly asked Darien, ignoring Serena and Chad.

"Great." Darien pulled Serena closer while she was trying not to drop anything and shrugged him off to put Chad down and the food in the kitchen.

He followed Serena in there, wanting to get as far away as possible from Emma; today he just had an odd feeling about her. Normally she had never really bothered him; her short skirts and cheesy double entendres, had never even broken thru the haze of lust he had for Serena, but there was something about today that had him on edge.

He waited for Serena to put the food away before he wrapped his arms around her and placed his mouth to her ear, "Don't let her touch me." He whispered.

Serena smiled and kissed his cheek. "I would never let her, the sooner we are married the sooner she can back off." She poured him a drink. "Go have fun, I'll drive home."

He took the drink and wandered out to the covered patio where the rest of the men were drinking and allegedly cooking.

Serena left Chad in Raye's arms and followed the rest of the girls to lounge room. Neither of them noticed Emma add a substance to Darien's spirit bottle.

They did however notice a difference a few hours later when Darien was so maggoted that he could barely stand and was spending his time hugging everyone he could find. "You are so pretty." Serena smiled and pushed him off.

"Raye can he go lay down?"

Raye nodded and pointed down the hall to her guest room. Serena helped him stand and lead him down the hall. He crashed onto the bed and pulled her down with him. "You smell pretty." He licked her arm, "And taste salty."

Serena pulled away and patted his back. "Sleep it off baby."

He pulled her back down to his side and wrapped his arms around her, "Stay with me."

Serena lay still for a few minutes waiting until his breathing had evened out before she gently pulled away and left the room closing the door behind her.

She entered the kitchen to see Emma and Andrew polishing off the last of a bottle of wine. She smiled and grabbed a can of coke from the fridge, "How are you getting home?"

Emma giggled and Andrew cackled; both of them clearly smashed. "We… Um…" Andrew laughed. "I tired."

"I'll take him to lie down." Emma put her arm around him and walked past Serena.

Serena stopped her. "I take him home. Did you want a lift too?"

Emma shrugged, "We'll stay. He'll just need to nap for an hour."

Serena gave up and led Andrew down the hall toward the study.

**______------______------______**

Darien woke an hour later his arms wrapped around a warm body, the smell was familiar and vaguely masculine but with his pounding head he thought nothing of it. It was familiar and warm; he placed a kiss along the collar bone of his sleeping companion. He eyes didn't open until he heard the low growl.

"Andrew?"

**______------______------______**

Emma smirked to herself as she waited for her cab. She had waited for Serena and the girls to move into the garage, where Raye had set up her karaoke system (Mina and Serena would never resist) before she ducked down the hallway under the pretence of using the toilet to move Andrew into Darien's bed.

While she had spent the last couple of weeks drugging up Andrew she had learnt every little detail that would bring them down. The intimate details of their relationship she realised would be the easiest way to push Serena away.

She had a plan and it was falling into place with a quiet efficiency and subtly.

She watched Serena thru the window belting out "Total Eclipse of the Heart". Emma had faith that Serena would be gone before the end of February. Darien would be hers and life would be great.

She waved to Lita as the cab pulled up. Neither Andrew nor Darien would remember much from what she had mixed into their drinks, well not much more than the compromising position they would wake up in.

**______------______------______**

**Well My kitchen is almost fixed. Yes my readers I set my kitchen on fire, a rather amusing anecdote actually; but hey I been having trouble writing this chapter and the next but the one after is written and waiting. **

**I am back at Uni now so while am procrastinating expect more regular updates.**

**MM**


	19. Won't keep my mouth shut anymore

**You Will Only Break My Heart**

**Mistress Mina**

"I kept it inside me for all this time

Thought that I could make it work if I tried

But I'm sorry to admit that I lived a lie

'Cause I'm feeling lost when I'm in your arms

The reasons are gone for why I was holding on to you

I tried so hard to be the one

I don't like who I've become

I kept my mouth shut for too long

Now that I know that it was wrong

I wish I told you from the start

That this was never to last

We should've never gone this far

Won't keep my mouth shut anymore"

Mouth Shut by The Veronicas

**______------______------______**

Darien thought constantly about how he had awoken on Boxing Day and how it would affect Serena and Chad. He had only proposed the day before that; how had he allowed himself to slip into old habits so quickly. He had tried so hard to stop the carry on with Andrew when Serena left, so he did the only thing he could think of to make it better; he threw himself into the planning of their wedding.

All he could think of was how much it would tear apart the fragile union with Serena and he would lose the most important person in his life, his son Chad.

Of all the bad things that has happened between Serena, Andrew and himself; Chad was the one bright spark in his world. That child could make even the most horrible day better with a gurgle and his tiny hand wrapping around his finger.

He knew that he should really tell Serena what had gone on before but he could see her reaction in his mind's eye. There would be screaming, crying and threats before she packed up her things and took off again. She had taken his son away once and she would do it again.

Andrew; he knew was campaigning to have him back, once resigned to his fate it was now apparent that that wasn't what he wanted after all and was now trying to weasel his way back in and there were times, like boxing day where he had came close. He was going to have to keep Andrew away from Serena so that nothing would come out and secrets could be kept. It shouldn't be too hard, Serena had been avoiding Andrew for a while now and their once close friendship had cooled considerably.

He watched Serena pack the nappy bag for a trip to see Hotaru. "Medical or Social?" he asked.

"Both. I have the last appointment of the day then we are off for dinner."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, remember you have a play station appointment with Andrew," she looked up at the clock on the wall, "In 15 mins. I just figured you would be there most of the night."

Darien was torn; on one hand, cancelling would tip Serena off and piss off Andrew but if he did go Andrew would take it as an affirmative to renew their awakening from Boxing Day; and as time was fragile and precious and Serena still hadn't told anyone of their engagement he didn't want anything to upset their delicate balance.

"Yeah?" He nodded, "Of course I should get ready right?"

Serena smiled and threw him a shirt. "Here this one's clean. I put your shoes by the door. Give Chad a kiss?" She held their son up before giving him a kiss on the cheek, "If on the odd chance you beat me home; we won't be far."

"Serena?" he called, just as she was approaching the door.

"Yeah?" she turned as if she had been caught doing something wrong.

"Did you send the marriage licence application?"

She smiled, "We have until the end of the week; I'll send it tomorrow. You thinking of backing out?"

"No. Just making sure you weren't."

She smirked and left. He nodded unsure of what to make of her flippant attitude.

**______------______------______**

Serena flung open the door to Hotaru's office and immediately started her rant.

"What the hell am I thinking? Maybe I just wasn't... Baby brain lasts for what? 2 years right? I can't do this. I am crazy. Married? I can't be married. I just had a baby! A baby! I 'm not the type of girl to just get married because I had a baby. This is complete and utter craziness. Why am I such a nut job? Then to suggest we get married in a month's time, it's pure stupidity."

She flung herself onto a chair and buried her head in her hands, blonde hair acting as a veil, "Tell me I'm not making a mistake."

Hotaru looked up from the article she was just reading, "I'm sorry, I am paying attention now what's up?"

Serena groaned. "I'm getting married."

Hotaru smiled, "Congratulations! That's really good."

Serena cocked her head to the side, "Really. You sure?" she noticed the look on her Dr's face and relaunched her rant, "I'm not sure I should be doing this. I mean I love him; I have for years, well I think I have loved him for years, but what if it's not love and this is just a big mistake made out of obligation and the fact that we love the sex. Maybe I am just talking myself out of this and that is the mistake. Maybe that's why I told him we will get married next month." Her face changed. "What if it is only one month until I make the biggest mistake of my life? How will that affect Chad? What if he suffers because his mother is just a crazy nut that is forcing an issue she should have backed away from? What if we fight all the time then we divorce and Darien takes Chad away? What if I end up alone and miserable because we would have just been better not getting married?"

Hotaru let her rant while she wrote out her prescription. "Here honey. Happy Pills."

Serena looked at the piece of paper and laughed. "I'm crazy and you have that smile that tries to stop the crazy person from jumping off the building."

"It's just anxiety. Keep taking them for the next couple of weeks and we will reassess." She then took Chad out of the pram. "How's the little man today? Did you miss me baby boy?"

Chad gurgled and smiled. "Good now let's get your stats before we help mummy get happy."

**______------______------_______**

Mina picked up the prescription out of Serena's bag. "Really?" They were out for coffee the next morning watching as Mina's child bounced around the play area.

Serena grimaced. "I told you I was crazy, I don't know why it's such a shock when I prove I am."

Mina just looked at her, "Uh huh."

Serena dropped her head, "I'm just scared all the time, that I am bad person and mother. What if I am ruining both Darien and Chad's lives? I talk myself into something and just as quickly talk myself back out of it." She looked up at Mina, "Darien proposed."

Mina launched herself at Serena and almost toppled her over, "That's fantastic. When? How? Show me the pretties."

Serena held her hand out and told Mina all the details excluding the part about the pushed up wedding. She didn't know why she didn't want to tell people about it but a part of her was so worried about screwing it up that she couldn't tell people.

She sat silently chiming in at the appropriate times and thought over in her head how she was going to tell her mum next. Serena had promised Darien that she would tell people after she told her mum but really she didn't want to have to see the disapproving frown underneath the happy smile. For years her mother had warned her against getting married young and because you had children to the man; that is what had caused all the kerfuffle with Serena's father, and she didn't want Serena leading the same life.

It was outward pressures like this that had lead to Serena pushing everyone away and leaning so heavily on her friends until she had finally let her guard down with Darien but what if after all these years she was just heading down the same road as her mum and it was heading for the same horrible ending where Chad would be stuck in the middle of a custody case and nitpicking parents that spent all their time bagging the other out. She hated it while she was growing up and now was this the life that would be waiting for Chad.

She stood suddenly, "Sorry Mina, I have to go." She stood.

"Wait." Serena stopped and waited for the next comment, "Be careful of those, I took them after I had Honor, you don't feel anything, nothing completely flat. It scared me."

Serena nodded, "Thanks, I promise to take care. See you New Years?"

Mina smiled, "We'll be there."

**______------______------______**

Darien sat at the kitchen table mulling over the letter to the courts, their marriage licence. Serena had not posted it again, was it deliberate or just a mistake? This whole one month thing was kind of scary to him so he was in two minds over Serena not mailing the license.

Springing a month on him was really pushing him and sure there were times when in their relationship he had pushed her, a lot of time he had pushed her but she had only pushed back a few times. The first time they had had sex was one of these times but after that it had been on him she had let him lead until she took off but now she was back at his insistence he proposed, he loved her he was almost sure of it but now she wanted this done fast; well she did but now... He tapped the letter on the table, maybe it was for the best. He heard the front door open and the woman in his thoughts race up the hall to search through the paperwork on the bench.

"Phone bill, electricity, internet, Dr, real estate? Where is it? Fudge! I am a bad fiancé. If he knows I lost it I am in so much trouble, He's gonna think I don't want this." He listened to her mutter under her breath, before realising what she was looking for and held it up above the bench where she would now have to see him and the letter.

"Looking for this?"

Serena's eyes widened, "I'm so sorry I forgot. Chad wasn't cooperative this morning and I was running late and I'm sorry." She snatched the letter from his hand. "I'll just post it now and I'll be back in 10 minutes. Want anything while I'm out?"

"No, I'm fine." He wasn't but he couldn't let her know that. "See you soon."

"I'm so sorry." She called over her shoulder as she raced back out the door.

"Yeah it's ok." He muttered under his breath. "I'm the nut job that doesn't want this marriage right now."

He took himself outside to drink a beer, a newly acquired habit when he felt he was being overwhelmed. He was just going to have to get over it. Fast.


	20. Something Gotta Go Wrong

You Will Only Break My Heart

Mistress Mina

"For 48 hours I don't think that we left my hotel room  
Should show you the sites cuz I'm sure that I said that I would  
We gotta make love just one last time in the shower  
Well something's gotta go wrong  
Cuz I'm feelin' way too damn good

And it's like...

Every time I turn around  
I fall in love and find my heart face down  
And where it lands is when it should  
This time it's like  
The two of us should probably start to fight  
Cuz something's gotta go wrong  
Cuz I'm feelin' way too damn good"

Feeling way to damn good by Nickelback

**______------______------______**

Darien got out of his car and checked the mail, pausing briefly when he found the one they had been waiting the past 2 weeks for. The corner of the envelope displayed the logo for the Tokyo district courts, this was it, they could get married now. After 2 weeks of constantly talking himself off the ledge, the letter was now here to push him off of it. On the days when he and Serena locked themselves away from the world just doing the most mundane of chores would be the most intimate and connected they could be. Just doing the housework, watching a DVD or playing with Chad and every worry would just cease to exist; then the phone would ring or they would have to go out for some reason and the world would implode on them leaving them to have to swim upstream again.

He was constantly wishing for the days or even the moments when it was just them; eating dinner, watching the news or just washing the dishes, this usually turned into a rather sensual activity and ending with them actively showing their love rather than verbalising it.

Something about her hands in the water always had him having to adjust himself. He remembered their first time, after 5 long years of flirting teasing and foreplay, she had cracked it and accosted him in the shower which led to a hasty but satisfying tryst on the bathroom sink.

He quickly planned in his mind their evening activities in the bathroom, visions floating through his mind's eye had momentarily distracted him from the mail and he hadn't realised that he walked into the kitchen until two arms circled his waist and the lips he had been envisioning were gently placed against his neck.

He groaned, "How'd you know what I was thinking?"

She giggled, the vibrations reverberation through his body straight to his groin, "You had that look on your face," her hands cupped his cheeks. "You're cold." She stated, "Maybe you should have a shower while I make dinner." She mumbled against his lips.

His eyes closed enjoying the feel of her body against his. He wound his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. "I was thinking we could have a bath and order in."

He cupped her ass loving the way it felt in her jeans. She still hadn't lost all the weight from the pregnancy but it hadn't mattered to him especially when she filled out her jeans just so. He lifted her and placed her on the kitchen table to undo the buttons on her shirt, yet another perk of the recent pregnancy; she had taken to wearing button up shirts to make breast feeding easier. She always made sure that there was ample cleavage showing and he loved undoing the buttons to run his fingers up her stomach, across her breasts and over her shoulders. It gave him the opportunity to feel her heart rate quicken and the goose bumps to rise on her skin as his hands slide over her upper body.

There was something about the way her breath would hitch when his hands touched her stomach and her nipples would tighten through the fabric of her bra that he loved experiencing as her eyes darkened and her demeanour lost its playfulness and became wanton with lust and desire.

"I was thinking of making lasagne," her voice was raspy but he wasn't going to give up until she stopped talking and only responded in moans and gasps.

He was rewarded with a moan when he kissed her stomach, "Tomorrow we will have lasagne but tonight I want a bath." He smiled when her hands reached under his shirt and ran her fingers over his lower back.

She giggled and he met her eyes as she started to lift his shirt, "Good thing I dropped Chad off for a night with his Nan because I don't intend on you having the ability to walk for the next 12 hours."

He smirked, "As long as we start with nice long relaxing, hot, bubbly bath."

She pouted, "I wanted to start with the kitchen table," He smiled and she continued, "before the couch, then a bath so we finish in the bedroom."

He tickled the area around her belly button and her breath hitched again. "Serena?" she moaned in response, "You won't be able to walk either." He stated.

She threw his shirt to the floor behind him, "Then we will just have to stay in bed," she started working on getting his belt undone. She loved touching him and watching his eyes darken to a deep storm blue before she hit one of his tender erogenous points and his eyes would roll back and close before letting out a shaky sigh. It always made her feel good about herself, like she was doing something right; almost like she was the only one that could hit the right spots. She had worked his pants down and he let go of her enough to kick his pants, shoes and socks off and she used the opportunity to slide her skirt off. She had been waiting for him to get home for a little over half an hour, getting hornier by the second, so she had already ditched the cumbersome underwear in preparation for his arrival.

He brought his lips back to hers and they shared a sigh. Somehow today was just right. It was just coming together without extensive planning and preparation; it was just them as they were meant to be, so lost within the other. She had not even got to telling him her good news yet and with a flick of his fingers against her inner thigh it was forgotten. She gasped and dragged her fingers across his ass pulling him in, "Go slow later, I don't wanna wait." He quirked an eyebrow, slightly pulling away which made her groan in frustration. "Right now I want nothing more than you."

Her voice was low and almost begging him; who was he to deny her? She was his fiancée, he smiled as he thrust into her, soon she would be his wife and all their troubles would leave because he realised something in that moment as long as he loved her nothing else mattered.

**______------______------______**

His feet padded quickly across the cold tiles of the kitchen trying to find the mail he had dropped earlier in the evening; he glanced at the time flashing on the microwave, 3:11; a lot earlier that evening then. He found the envelope that had distracted him and led his mind into their evening activities and opened it quickly scanning its contents. Smiling due to the good news he made his way back into the bedroom where Serena's still slightly damp hair was spread around her.

"Where'd you go?" she mumbled fighting the exhaustion seeping through her body.

"There was some mail I wanted to read."

Her arm lifted a little before she hastily let it drop and pulled it back under the covers, "Cold. Check mail in morning." She grumbled.

He flicked the blanket over his body and she tried to cuddle into him again before she pushed him away and growled, "Cold. Hate cold." He leaned in to kiss her and she turned her head, "Sleeeeeepppp." She whined.

"But we now have a marriage approval." He was expecting her to bounce out of bed but he had underestimated her exhaustion.

"Uhuh." She murmured but her breathing had already evened out and she was very much asleep. He smiled again as he re-read the notice, the first weekend of February would be perfect.

**______------______------______**

Serena slid out of bed a little after 6 the next morning, a shock to anyone who knew her in high school but normal since she had Chad. A couple of hours a night was all she had been getting by on with a nap during the day as well. She had to tell him about the phone call that she had received yesterday, the one she had celebrated last night in a couple of rooms in a couple of different ways. It almost made her blush thinking about it but was distracted by the piece of paper on Darien's night stand.

She grabbed it and scanned it. So they really were celebrating last night. "Babe," she kissed him lightly on the cheek. "I want to tell you something."

He groaned, not wanting to wake up.

"I have been appointed a new lawyer for my inheritance claim. Seiya Kou. He's apparently really good. I have to meet him but I was thinking of flying down on the first weekend of February and," She kissed him again. "Wanna get married when I get back?"

She leaned to nuzzle and kiss his neck. "Do you wanna marry me then or is that too soon?"

He turned over and cracked open one eye. "When you wake me at 630?"

Her smile was mischievous, and he smiled in return, "It's not too soon at all."


	21. Grieving the things I can't repair

You Will Only Break My Heart

Mistress Mina

______------______------______

"The Fates have a fix on you

We can play tricks on you

We deal in truths you're to troubled to face

Gamble the worth of you

On the rebirth of you

Now is the time this is the place

What's still unwritten

You can erase"

Song of Illusia from Xena

Andrew had been staring at the pen for a little over an hour now. He knew what he wanted to say but he was plagued with doubt. If Darien found out about it there would be no hope for getting him back but in the end he knew that what he really wanted to do. Even with the sacrifice of Darien, Serena would soon be feeling the same gut-wrenching despair that he had been feeling for months.

He knew this day was coming; he wanted revenge on Serena since Darien had started pushing him away. It had been a little over a year since he had pushed so hard that Andrew had felt the need to question Serena on her relationship with Darien. He really wanted her to feel that same soul-tearing pain that he felt that night and that still gripped him in quiet moments. Now it was just a steady stream of anger, jealousy and extreme need for vengeance. If he couldn't have Darien, neither could Serena. The pen hit the paper and he let it go. It wasn't an extremely sentimental letter but he knew these 6 lines would be the exact recipe to rip her world apart and then at the BBQ tonight watching the chips fall, his vengeance would be complete.

­­­______------­­­­______------______

"30 minutes, the blink of the night  
30 minutes to alter our lives  
30 minutes to make up my mind  
30 minutes to finally decide  
30 minutes to whisper your name  
30 minutes to shelter the blame  
30 minutes of bliss, 30 lies  
30 minutes to finally decide"

30 Minutes by t.A.T.u

She slid the moisturiser over her freshly shaved legs, up and over her stomach and down her arms. Today was the day that they had agonised over for a while now. Should we, shouldn't we? Am I pushing for something to hard? Is it love or only for Chad? But when she woke this morning they feeling of serenity and destiny griped her, today was going to be their day. It was going to be life changing and momentous. It was meant to happen and here it was. 30 minutes until she had to wake Darien and get Chad ready.

They were aiming to have this done early enjoy the day and have a big party tonight to tell all their friends. She had already guessed their reactions and how they be shocked but probably not overly. The one reaction she was not looking forward to was Andrew's. It wasn't like she could not invite him tonight he was Darien's best friend and has been one of her closest friend for so many years now; but after things had sort of blown up there had been an odd tension between them all and it was hard to gauge his reaction. After Darien and her had moved in together, Andrew and gone back on all his hate Emma attitude to let her move in with him.

Emma was another odd entity. She had been rather smug and had an all-knowing attitude over the past couple of months. It was rather concerning. She had become all buddy-buddy with Andrew and seemed to have a little control over him and his moods. It wasn't like she had gotten any friendlier with Darien so Serena knew that she shouldn't be concerned; but it was still eating at her, like an infection. The more she thought about it the more her confidence drooped about her day. It was too late now and things would just have to go on. The door opened beside her and she was so lost in her thoughts that she dropped her mascara wand when startled.

Darien's hand wrapped around her bare waist, "Good morning," He was still drowsy and was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes but he still managed a smirk. "You are going like this? I think like this ensemble."

She frowned glancing down at her underwear, "I think this little clothing would have me in prison for our wedding night."

"But I like it."

She kissed his cheek and gently shoved him to the door. "Go get Chad dressed and I will finish up. We leave as soon as you're ready."

He pulled her in for another kiss, deeper this time, making sure to let her feel him, "I'm ready now."

She had trouble pushing him away when this mood gripped him, "Please Darien, go." He groaned unwilling. "I'll undress for you later, after the party."

"Why a party? Can't we tell them in a week, I don't want to share today?"

She giggled when a cry came from the other room, "You already share." This time she pushed him harder and locked the door behind him. "Are we right in doing this?" she sighed into the air.

______------______------______

He wanted to carry Serena over the threshold but with Chad in one arm, grocery bags in the other, it would a little hard to manoeuvre, so instead he waited until she had put it all down and Chad in the crib and swiftly pulled her into his arms.

"My wife," he sighed into her hair. His lips swiftly found hers and that's how they spent the next 15 mins until she pulled away and went to grab the groceries.

"The milk will go off," she said as a way of explanation and gently shoved to Chad's room, "Make sure he's asleep and we will find more creative ways to spend the in-between hours." She quirked her eyebrows and slid her dress off her shoulder's, "meet you in say 5 minutes."

He watched the sway of her hips in as she sauntered away, picturing her bending over to put the milk in the fridge... a small cry interrupted his daydream and he went to fulfil his duties.

­______------______------______

Andrew could hear Serena giggling as he paused before knocking, there would be no turning back once this letter went in her hand. Their entire history would be over, all friendship with either of them would be forfeit, and this idyllic life they had created as a family would be destroyed. It was almost enough to make him pause and stop... Almost but definitely not enough; a course of jealousy ripped through him and the need for vengeance rose.

He knocked, "Come in," he heard Serena call. The door was easily pushed open and he walked in the letter in his pocket and the bottle of wine in his hand.

"Hey," they were chopping up potatoes in the kitchen and they smiled warmly at him, seemingly unable to stop touching. It would have been cute if he wasn't so angry, but he smiled back at them, pushing away all thoughts and put on an unreadable face. "So what's the occasion?"

Serena smiled, "Well we will wait until everyone's here and then tell you all at once." Andrew watched Darien; he was smiling but also a little wary. "Oh shit. I forgot the sauce."

Darien smiled at his wife, "I'll go get it."

Serena glanced at Andrew and fear crept through her at the thought of being left alone with him, "No. I'll go you two sit down, have a beer and play the play station. I will only be half an hour. The girls won't be here for at least another hour and a half yet."

Andrew smiled, "They never could be on time." They all shared a smirk at that.

Darien walked her to the door and kissed her goodbye, "Be back soon my wife."

"Love you my husband." She glanced behind them to Andrew staring at Chad's door. "Keep him away from Chad please."

Darien smiled at her, "Why? Nothing is going to happen." She frowned and he continued, "You'll only be gone 30 minutes what's the worst that could happen? Huh? I'll have him bathed and ready to tell people out news?"

She sighed unable to suppress the fear, "Please."

He shrugged, "You worry too much." He kissed her forehead and closed the door behind her.

"So GTA?" Andrew asked him.

"Why not."

"Oh wait I just have to duck out and ask Serena to grab some ice," Andrew ran out to catch Serena; he pressed the note into her hand, "Read this later."

She watched him dumbfounded before she hoped into the car and drove to the shops.

Andrew got back inside and looked around for Darien, "Marco?"

"Polo," came from Chad's room, he walked in there and seeing the myriad of photos of the small family on all the walls the jealousy reared up again and he knew what would complete his revenge.

"What you doing?"

"Sorry dude the little man needs a bath the game will have to be put on hold till then." He picked him up and started to carry him into the bathroom.

"No dramas. Need a hand?"

They took Chad into the bathroom and Darien past Andrew Chad to hold while he ran the bath, they discussed trivial things for the next couple of minutes while the water filled the tub.

"He loves his baths," Darien watched his son as his gurgled at the taps, "It's kinda odd since Serena hates water and I was never fond of swimming," He smiled softly, "Must be his way of bettering the previous generation. " Andrew shrugged. "When all this started I was so scared of my future, but now I can't see a future without my son, this is a love I never expected."

He lowered him in the water and wiped him over with a cloth, Chad kicked his legs and gurgled happily, "He's so much to me you know, he means more than anything else that has ever happened to me before."

Andrew listened to him while the rage boiled, *More to him than me, what we had? A little spitting, shitting, noisy _baby?*_ "Oh."

"Can you hold him for a second while I grab his clothes?" Darien waited for Andrew to place his hands under his head for he heard the front door open.

"Darien?" Serena called from the hallway.

"Coming," He looked at Andrew, "She probably forgot her wallet."

Andrew smirked, "Probably." Darien left the room and went to find Serena in their bedroom. Once he left the room Andrew let his hand come out from under the head of the child...

______------______------______

"I can't change who I am  
not this time, I won't lie to keep you near me  
and in this short life,  
there's no time to waste on giving up  
my love wasn't enough"

Lacrymosa by Evanescence

Serena got to the corner before she pulled over to read the note.

She read it once... Twice... Fifteen times. Each time the words seem to take on a life of their own swimming before her consciousness, lifting themselves off the page to slip and slide around in her mind.

Words left her, only those few sentences remained. Slowly she rubbed her rings, where did this leave them. Turning the car back on she turned back home, she needed to clear this up.

The apartment was quiet when she opened the door, Chad's door was still shut so she assumed he was still asleep, but from the splashing coming from the bathroom, Darien must be getting ready to wake him and get him ready for tonight. "Darien." She called and entered their bedroom, waiting.

He entered and she shut the door, he leaned in to kiss her and she ducked out of the way, "Why did you marry me?"

He started, "What? Because I love you. You and Chad, so we could be a family."

"Why did you start this thing with me? Its been years and I never understood why after dating nearly all of my friends, you started a secret thing with me."

His eyebrows wrinkled in confusion, "You were an experiment. I thought you knew that."

"To see if you were gay?" she choked on the words.

"No, I'm not gay, why would you think that?"

"So Andrew was also an experiment?" Serena had almost turned her anger on Darien for screwing around on both her and Andrew when she noticed the rhythmic breathing that came from the monitor wasn't there, she stopped Darien's protests with the question, "Where's Chad?"

"Andrew's got him in the bath."

Serena's heart stopped and time seemed to move in slow motion as she ran to the bathroom, Andrew was no longer there but Chad was still under the water...


	22. You said my name and walked away

You Will Only Break My Heart

Mistress Mina

"I cannot change that day  
Go back and erase what happened  
Ease the pain  
There is none to blame  
No stamps to take and even though we may not understand

But one day I'll see you face to face  
Than will say things we meant to say  
It's too late for now but not always  
Will meet again and then will start from these unfinished memories"

Unfinished Memories by Eowyn

­**______------______------______**

Numb Cold. Horror. Disbelief. Shock.

A complete feeling of helplessness and spinning. A long fall without a net. Chad was whisked off behind the doors; those horrible unfeeling doors that separated her and her child. The wait was the hardest part. Should she pace? Cry? Shake and sulk? Talk? Take her mind from her child to the reason they were in this god forsaken place?

"Darien?" she whispered her hand grasped for his, taking little comfort from the soft heat. Chad was cold and clammy when she pulled him from the water. "Why couldn't you trust me?" He didn't answer straight away and she thought maybe he didn't hear her question. He squeezed her hand when the doors opened but when the nurse walked straight past them into the nurses' lounge his grip loosened.

She dropped his hand and pulled away heading toward the coffee machine.

"I don't know. How could I have known?" He murmured at her retreating back. "Why has this been so hard?"

_____------______------______

Andrew wasn't feeling as smug as he was when he handed Serena his letter. He wasn't feeling much actually.

He knew that he had done it, destroyed a life and a relationship in one hit. Though for the life of him he couldn't tell you why. He knew that he had lost Darien when Serena had left for her father's funeral. Sure he had tried to get him back but knew that it wasn't going to happen.

He could still hear the voice in his head pushing him to do it. For Darien; for them, for love. It echoed yet it wasn't there.

His body was shaking and that was all he felt.

**______------______------______**

Serena paced the hospital. The cold metal band on her left hand burning her; she fretted incessantly.

The words in Andrew's letter chewed through her concern for her son. When the doctor came out to say it was critical but stable in a coma, it was like a tiny weight was lifted only to be replaced with another.

"_We slept together, numerous times. _

_I love him. I still do. I thought you should know. He kissed me Boxing Day and I knew he felt it too."_

Chad was ok. Not perfect, but safe surrounded by the most capable people in the city, yet her 5 hour old marriage was already dead. The day after Darien proposed he was making out with his boyfriend.

Where did this leave them? She took her ring off and put it on her necklace unwilling to part with it completely but not ready to throw it back at him. It was her own fault in a way. She shouldn't have pushed him; sure he proposed but was that out of love or duty to Chad.

It didn't matter either way. Her baby was the most important priority right now, she would just have to focus and pray for him to get better.

She would deal with Darien when he was better.

She could see him in the waiting room to the right; head against the wall eyes closed, she couldn't tell if he was sleeping or just dealing. She fought the urge to sit beside him and grip his hand like it was all she had left in the world. Instead she dialled the number she hadn't dialled in emergency for 2 years, her best friends, Mina, Raye, Amy and Lita.

They arrived and wordlessly wrapped their arms around her. "We're here." Was all Raye muttered before Serena broke down.

**______------______------______**

Andrew was arrested 2 months after their wedding day. It was almost a bittersweet moment for Serena. There was the feeling of justice for her little boy but she hadn't spoken to Darien since the last screaming rage after the Dr told her that her son would probably never wake and Darien suggested the life support be turned off and his suffering not be drawn out. Her wedding band had flitted between her hand, her necklace and being thrown at the wall. She had moved in with Raye after she had left Chad's bedside a week after the incident; they had literally forced her out of the hospital. Sure moving in with her husband's cousin was a little weird but necessary and husband wasn't a word she liked to use too often. It was a little like her early pregnancy, if you didn't discuss it with him it wasn't real. He stayed away from her and only sat at Chad's bedside when she ducked out for coffee. She had tried not to be horrible to him, it was his loss too, but the feeling that if he had only listened to her warning and trusted her enough, it would have never come to this.

She moved her hand to touch the soft dark hair on her son's head. "I love you baby. I am so sorry I failed you."

"You didn't fail him, I did." Came the quiet voice from the door and Serena turned to face him.

"Yes you did." She looked just as devoid of emotion as her voice portrayed. "I was just leaving for half an hour. Are you gonna stay with him?"

He nodded, "Is it going to be like this forever?"

She shook her head, "One day we will forgive each other." She picked up her purse and moved to the door, "Goodbye."

**______------______------______**

"Simply put  
I am hanging on here  
By a thread  
So confused  
I need you  
Chaos swims so rapid  
In my head  
Will You stand by watching  
While I'm falling?

I need your help  
Not someone else  
My world is crashing  
Crashing"

Crashing by Eowyn

**______------______------______**

Darien cringed every time her goodbye replayed in his mind. It wasn't a see you later I just need time goodbye it was a final never to see you again never darken my doorway goodbye. He wished that it would be** over. His son lay in a coma, his wife lived with his cousin and his best friend had caused it all.

That thought made him stop. Was it really Andrew's fault? Was he really to blame? The shock of the real answers coming to his mind startled him. It was his own fault. He betrayed them all. Andrew, Serena and poor baby Chad, the only innocent in the whole situation, it was all on him. Darien sighed, raking his hand through his dark hair. Would he even be able to forgive himself?

A knock at the door brought him out his thoughts and he shuffled over to the door uncaring about his dishevelled appearance, he opened the door and greeted the intruder though she was armed with what would soon become his favourite drink. "Emma."

"Hey man," she took in his appearance and fought back a smirk to replace it with a front of a caring shrug, "I brought tequila." He let her in and when his back was turned she let her smirk rule, *this will be easier than I thought.*

**______------______------______**

"_Mr Small?" the voiced pulled him out of his daydream, "Mr Small are you there?"_

_He hit the intercom, "Yeah Tina, I'm here what's up?"_

"_Your son is on the phone. Did you want him put thru?"_

_A small smile graced his lips and he brushed his hair out of his eyes. If there was one thing to brighten his day it was his children. _

_When the phone rang he didn't hesitate to pick it up. "Hey little man, how was school?"_

_The endless chatter on the other end gave him a chance to clear his head and be grateful for what he had and not who he had lost._

"_Yes. I will be home in time to take you to soccer. I love you too."_

_He uncovered the paperwork in front of him and put his pen to paper. "Carpe Diem." He muttered under his breath._

**______------______------______**

_Serena entered her kitchen humming; today had actually gone ok. Sure it wasn't all peachy but on a whole it was much better than it could have been._

_Seiya greeted her with a large plate of roast vegetables and some lamb. "Did I mention I love you?" she muttered more to the food than to him. The smell reminded her how hungry she was._

_Seiya grinned. "Feeding you gets me everywhere right?" he placed a glass of water in front of her. "So honey how was your day?" he knew that she was heading out but really had no idea where to. This was a black day on her calendar and( for the first time since they had met the first time) she had left the house on this day._

"_Fine, actually I need to talk to you about something." She sat down at the table placing a plate in front of both of them before drizzling the gravy and mint sauce over her food she smiled. "I'm still married."_

_His face was blank while he cast his mind back to their first meeting outside Tokyo Hospital, she had been crying and he could tell by the red rimmed eyes._

"Miss Serena?" the voice interrupted her thoughts and she looked up to view the person interrupting her reverie.

"You're the lawyer?" she questioned the man in front of her.

He smiled trying to put her at ease. "Yes the blood sucking leach at your service."

It was a half-hearted smile that was returned and she patted the bench beside her. "So do I need to sign anything? I just want this sorted as soon as possible."

He gestured to the wall behind them, "Are they gonna be ok?"

She shook her head, "I don't want to talk about it," she glared at his questioning stare, "Please?"

_She had looked so distraught that day and it hurt to watch her, so young but so full of grief._

"_Married?" He blinked a couple of times, "So all those times you turned me down?"_

_Serena smiled, "Yes it was because of that. I love you, it honestly took a long time for me to heal but I am finally over it."_

"_Who?" It was an irrational jealousy, but she had kept it hidden for so long that he wanted to know why._

"_Darien..." She waited for it to click._

"_Raye's cousin? The reason that I wasn't able to go to her wedding?"_

"_You didn't go to the wedding because you had a work conference."_

"_Raye told me it would be awkward because of him but wouldn't elaborate." He watched as she formed an 'O' with her mouth, "How long?"_

"_It only lasted about 5 hours." She shrugged, "He did something I have only just forgiven." He waited for her to go on but she seemed to stop, "He cheated then let his lover kill our child. Well he didn't really let him he just didn't listen to me when I told him not to leave Chad with Andrew and Andrew drowned him."_

_She stopped realising how callous she sounded. "I have tried so hard not to think about that day for over 10 years and I'm afraid that I will talk myself out of this and I was so sure I was ready to do this."_

_She took a couple of deep breathes. "I'm sorry, I couldn't tell you before... I just couldn't... It hurts just to think about it. Today is the anniversary of Chad's death. I just let them turn off his breathing machine... I gave up. I let them talk me into giving up. I..."_

_Seiya got up from his place at the table and wrapped her in a hug. "I'm here bub, let it out." _

_She did, the lamb was left in limbo as he guided her to bed as she let the last 20 years of history with Darien leave her body in great racking sobs. Each tear that dripped from her eyes bringing her closer to the closure she had searched for._

_**______------______------______**_

_**Hey so sorry it took so long for these two updates to go up. **_

_**I was asked about a timeline in my little world the story started bout end 2003 early 04, the future is bout 2018 and the wedding was beginning 2005.**_

_**I am sorry for the previous chapter I had many not so happy reviewers, it was necessary for my storyline and I was also wondering if what you were all hoping for with the ending because I am not seeing them ending up together but if public opinion is for Serena and Darien having a happy ending I will try to get it to that conclusion. Let me know.**_

_**Thanks for your support. Love heaps **_

**_MM_**

**_Also thanks so much for all the reviews it makes me so happy. The most I have got for a single chapter. I am not too sure when I will have another chapter ready as I am behind in uni work and I get distracted so easily._**


	23. I know I could never be

But if I wanted silence I would whisper  
If I wanted loneliness I'd choose to go  
If I liked rejection I'd audition  
And if I didn't love you, you would know

So why can't you just hold me  
How come it's so hard?  
Do you like to see me broken?  
Why do I still care?

Poor little misunderstood baby  
No one likes a sad face  
But I can't remember life without him  
I think I did have good days  
I'm sure I did have good days  
"Just hold me" by Maria Mena

* * *

"It's complicated." The statement used to describe both the best and the worst relationships and currently Serena had no idea which was the way she was leaning for her relationship with Darien. In all technicalities they had been married for 8 months and seen each other maybe a dozen times yet they had spoken twice. He had sent the marriage certificate to her when it arrived with a simple note asking if she wanted to keep it.

"Well uncomplicated it." Hotaru picked up the coffee cup in front of Serena and gave her that look. You know the one, 'Don't argue, you won't win' look.

"It's been too long. I don't know what I want. He gave up hope for Chad the minute it happened. I just can't. Miracles happen every day; he could still get better."

Hotaru sighed, "Sweetie, there is nothing that can be done; only the machines are keeping him alive. You know this."

"I just can't give up on him," she whispered, "I failed him but I can't let him think I gave up on him so easily."

"Easily? It's been almost a year."

"Eight months, 12 days and 14 hours."

"You know nothing is going to change, his mind is switched off never to be turned back on. I don't want to be callous but you need to let go, there are others that could use those resources. Go home and talk to your husband you need to do this together." Hotaru rinsed the dishes and smiled warmly, "Come on, do it now, while you are already out of the house; I need to go to work."

"Thanks for breakfast." Serena sighed at the look her friend and doctor was giving her, she knew what had to be done. It was just so hard to undo the ties that bind, it was hard to forgive Darien but she had. It was just the fear that stopped her from expressing it. "I will go see him."

They walked to their respective cars, "Will you be there to say goodbye?"

"Oh, Serena, of course." Hotaru gave her a hug and a reassuring smile, "I will be there."

* * *

She sat in her car watching her previous abode, silently working up the courage and mentally talking herself up into her old home. Today was the day that would make or break them and it would come down to the statement she had to make. Getting out of the car she made her way to the front door, only to hear the one voice that could destroy her fragile state of control.

"Darien you need to make a decision. Officially cut ties with her, she doesn't seem to care about you, it was your son too and she left you alone to deal with it.

Darien's voice was worn even through the door. "Emma, leave Serena alone. I know why she did that."

"Yeah well I'm confused, if she really loved you like you keep harping on about then she would be here and you wouldn't have to come to me. Come on, you know I love you, I have for years and with this baby coming I need you to realise I need your support and love more than that undeserving unloving harpy..."

"Leave Serena alone. You know nothing of what happened. I will be there for the baby you know that but Chad still needs me and so does Serena."

Serena's heart stopped dead. Her breath was gone from her lungs and she had no urge to take more in. Emma was having his baby. The past 8 months sorting herself out to forgive him for the situation with Andrew and he had been consoling himself with Emma. Not just consoling himself but creating a new family, a new baby. His marriage vows obviously meant nothing. Her body faltered and she fell to her knees, head resting on the front door.

Maybe he heard her or maybe he had to leave but the door opened and she fell forward. "Serena?" Darien moved to cradle her against him. "Baby, can you hear me?"

She moaned, using the opportunity to breathe in his cologne; so familiar, yet repellent. She pushed herself off of him and shakily stood. "I agree we should turn off his life support. He's gone and it's just selfish to not let him go." She turned and fled but barely making it down the stairs before he had caught her in his embrace.

"Come on, Sere, we need to talk."

She let herself be led to her car where they got her wallet and he guided her to the cafe half a block away.

She smiled weakly at the barista when he asked about her day. Darien ignored the man and briskly paid and guided her to the table in an isolated corner. "Sere?" He stroked her arm to try and gain her attention, but Serena ignored him and the feeling his touch had on her skin.

"We can't keep doing this to him. Chad needs to find peace," she whispered. It was too hard to look at him and not cry. "If he's gone we can move on. Emma can have your baby without complications."

Darien ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, "You heard huh?" It wasn't really a question, "It was a mistake, she was a mistake... Serena? Please look at me."

Serena steeled herself and faced him. "Babies are never a mistake. This baby was destiny just as Chad is. 3pm today I want to have the machines turned off. Say goodbye before then, please." She lifted her purse of the table and excused herself to the barista bringing over her coffee. "3pm," was her goodbye as she left the place.

Darien accepted his coffee and stared into the deep black liquid, not noticing Serena walking in the wrong direction back to their home. Well it wasn't their home anymore. He had basically moved Emma in within a month of his nuptials and now he had another reason to use the nursery.

To lose one and gain another in a matter of months was both hopeful and disastrous. He had lost both is wife and child in one afternoon. It was a stupid thing; trusting his best friend over his wife, now he would have to spend the rest of his life dealing with this reality. No Serena, no Chad, but a baby and _Emma..._

* * *

Serena sent a bulk text message to her family and friends to let them know of her decision. It was probably one of the most gut wrenching things she had ever done. Mina guarded her phone like the dragon lady and left her alone for a couple of hours where Serena poured her grief into a long line of apologies to the unconscious child. She took photos and held his hand while singing lullabies.

Serena could hear Mina in the hall. "_Look, I think she's a little busy right now... No she will call you back in a week or two... Look dude, I don't care. She ... You're not bloody listening to me BACK OFF... You are paid to deal with it. You're the lawyer.._." It almost made her laugh. She knew that she would have to deal with Seiya soon; this case with her father's money was really irritating but the fact that it was this money that had funded the last 8 months of unemployment to spend time with her son…

She walked out into the hall and took the phone from Mina with a grateful nod and smile. "Seiya? Yes its Serena... can we make this really quick... Just a signature? I can be at your office in 5 mins, I can only stay 5 mins... Great." She hung up the phone and sighed.

Mina hugged her and offered her a lift.

"Stay with him please?" Serena asked. "Darien should be here soon, he normally gets here by one to give me a break," she glanced at her watch. "I'll be back in half an hour. I think I want to walk a little."

Mina half smiled. "Love you. Call if you need me."

--

Getting to Seiya's office only took 3 mins but Serena stood in the hallway outside for almost 5 mins trying to gain her composure. She wiped away the tears and knocked.

"I've talked your step mum into a 35/65 split of his assets."

Serena barely heard him and just put her signature beside the brightly coloured post it. "That's it? Finished?" She turned and left, not hearing his reply.

--

The park was quiet. It always was this time of the afternoon. Cold too. "Shoulda brought a thicker jacket," Serena berated herself. "Shoulda done a lot of things."

* * *

"Do you think I'm special?  
Do you think I'm nice?  
Am I bright enough to shine in your spaces?  
Between the noise you hear  
And the sound you like  
Are we just sinking in an ocean of faces?

It can be possible that rain can fall,  
Only when it's over our heads  
The sun is shining everyday, but it's far away  
Over the world is death."

All the right moves by One Republic

* * *

Emma stomped across the room, "This is bullshit." She threw a pillow at him, "I can't go to the funeral because Serena will be upset?"

Darien sighed for the eightieth time in 10 minutes, "Yes." He dodged another pillow. "We are burying our son. It will be hard for her to see you."

She tossed her hair over her shoulder, "Why?"

Sigh number eighty-one, "Because you're pregnant."

She placed a hand on her stomach, a sly, gloating smile slid across her lips, "Oh, our baby? The fact I'm pregnant will upset her? I'm not showing yet, how will she know?" She glided across the room and placed his hand on her stomach.

"She knows." He removed his hand from her and walked to the door. "Stay here, I'll be back in a couple of hours."

Emma pouted prettily until he left and her smile returned. "Its ok baby, he'll never know the truth."

* * *

The funeral was just heart wrenching for Serena, Darien and all of their friends gathered in the small chapel. Their tiny year old child, whom had never really lived, never had an opportunity to grow up, go to school, make friends, have a relationship, who never even got to walk or talk. What could you say about a child that never had a chance to live?

"He was wanted, he was loved and though he was taken early; he was still the proudest moment of both of his parents. From conception to death, he was cherished and adored. May God have a real reason for this tragedy, and may there be a light at the end of tunnel..."

The preacher spoke on about Chad's destiny in the Kingdom of Heaven; it took all of Serena's patience not to scream about the injustice of the world. It was not God's will that took him away, it was Andrew's.

The court date had been set for three days time, eight months, twenty one days and fifteen hours after he had held a four month old under water and left. The prosecutor had high hopes for a 20 year sentence although the defence was going for insanity.

Serena wanted life. The eighty to one hundred years that her child could have lived she wanted him to sit and suffer for the entire time. She had tried to stop and forgive him but It just was too hard. She would never forget so why should she forgive? Ami had tried to get her to talk it out, try to forgive Darien, try to forgive herself; it was more than she thought she could stomach.

Nobody was safe from her anger, herself included. Mina tried to help in her own way, bringing her daughter over to try and coax Serena back into the world with some childish laughter and games, but the growing stomach on her friend was hard to cope with. Sitting with Raye, bitching about her family was not exactly the way she wanted to grow her friendship either. Lita was loveable as always but her steadfast refusal to see the evil in her former flatmates was making it really hard to spend a lot of time with her.

Sometimes it was just easier to be alone, lost in her thoughts and living in that dream land where her child was growing up, talking to her, and learning to walk; where her marriage wasn't a sham; where Darien still loved her and never went to Emma.

She was a much to blame as Andrew and Darien; this cut her more than Darien's betrayal or Andrew's anger. She had left; when she was unsure of Andrew she still left Chad there. Every fibre of her being screamed that something wasn't right; she still left. When she arrived at the hospital she had given up on Darien and so it was her own fault he had to find comfort elsewhere.

Her fault.

All of it.

She had to remove the cancer from the lives of these people. She pulled Darien aside just after the final goodbye.

"I want a divorce."

* * *

**Well there it is; The first lot of writing I have done since the 19 October 2009. I can finally tell my psychologist!!!!! I am so sorry it took so long. I went from lacking the time to lacking the motivation, but I am back and I want this finished!!! I have an idea for the sequel but first I need this finished. Not sure how many chapters will be left as my plan for the story has been changed so many times it is now not usable. Hope you are still enjoying it, can't promise when the next chapter will be but I promise it wont be 8 months again... **

**Love ya MM**


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